Will he ever forgive me?
I have been with my s/o for near 3 years we have our problems but since the corona virus things turned sour. We have a long distance relationship and spent 2 months away from each other in which he was not very nice to me. I then started work again in which there where two new male owners, on the first day one of the owners asked to give me a ride home. In which nothing happened he just asked me questions, when my s/o found out he said that my boss was interested in more than just a work professional way I just shrugged it off.
In the coming weeks me and my other half were having a lot of problems and my boss sent me some flirty messages in which I replied(at the time I didn’t think anything of it but since reading them they are quite flirty) after that he started to take an interest in me and my personal life, and starting to say I was attractive. This is when I realised he may have feelings for me. There were no flirty messages exchanged after the matter and I answered any of his personal questions he asked. Me and my s/o were still having a lot of problems and I spoke to my boss about it. (Which in hindsight was not the smartest idea) My s/o then wanted to know everything about him what he’d said what I had said whether I thought he liked me, I eventually told him he may like me. And he then wanted to see the text messages that were between us. I knew his reaction would be after reading them (the texts where on one day the rest were not flirty atall) this is spanning over 6 weeks. I told him he was paranoid and made him feel like was crank leading up to reading the messages.
My s/o hit the roof, saying I have betrayed his trust and have essentially cheated on him. He’s asked me if I have feelings for my boss in which I told him I don’t which I don’t. He doesn’t believe me and that he doesn’t feel like we could ever go back. I have told him how sorry I am, that it meant nothing to me I have asked if he would let me earn back his trust. But he doesn’t seem so eager but in the same breath he will not end it with me. He just keeps going over everything how bad I’ve hurt him, how much I’ve betrayed him, if I have a thing for my boss. I’ve answered everything honestly but he doesn’t believe me.
I don’t know what to do, I want to try and earn back his trust and be completely transparent with everything until he feels he can trust me again. He feels he will never trust me again, and it won’t work. But he won’t break up with me either. This happened 3 days ago so I don’t know if time would help heal this along with my patience or whether we really are over.
Well, it is hard to determine if he will or never forgive you. As he is responsible for how he chooses to handle the situation. My first suggestion to you is to keep your interactions with your boss at a professional level and if that is unsuccessful, you may have to find another job entirely. Frankly, finding another job may be best but that may not necessarily resolve the issue with your significant other. However, it will eliminate one of your issues.Also,discussing your private life with your boss is inappropriate.
Last, give your s/o some space to deal with the issue. If he is meant for you, he will forgive you and if not, you may have to move on. Additionally, you and your S/O had some chronic issues prior to this incident, which led to you confiding in your boss. Those issues need to be resolved in order for you both to have a better relationship. A tumultuous relationship can never succeed. I wish you the best.
I know, I’m already looking at looking for a new job in the next upcoming weeks. He has told me he wants to let my boss know that he knows about the texts and that even if he wasn’t in the picture the relationship would be strictly professional.
I have tried to give him space but he calls and texts constantly, taking his anger and frustrations out on me. I know we had problems but never this serious it was ever since the world turned upside down and we weren’t able to see each other that these started to arise.
But Thankyou so much for your advice, this arguement has had a really negative impact on my mental health.
If he keeps taking his anger and frustrations out on you, please avoid the calls just for the sake of your mental health. If he calls with that behavior, politely tell him you will cal him later that you have to go and just ignore the text. Even though you were at fault, you shouldn't be treated in that manner. You are a human being and prone to making mistakes , but that doesn't justify such mistreatment. So, just lie when he calls that you have to go as something came up , just to attain peace of mind. I am so sorry! I hope things get better.