I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 10 months. i think it may be of some importance to note that i am 26 and that he is 10 years older than me, and at this time we do not live together permanently. our relationship has been good from the start however, even before the last 3 months of the coronavirus pandemic there were issues which upset me although i managed to be forgiving and simply 'put up with it'. the beginning and consistent problem in question is that it is often the case that often when we have plans to see each other he will go MIA, there have been a range of colourful excuses in the past, some more extreme than others, it started with him being stuck at work, or going home and being so tired that he fell asleep and somehow forgot i was cooking him dinner that night, and the next morning in comes an apology after ignoring me for the whole evening before. i know that men can be genuinely forgetful, i know that things happen and get in the way, but this is in no way a post of over reaction as if i were to count the amount of times this has happened it would be in unknown digits because there are too many! please note im cutting this all very short as it really is too much to write and it would all be very repetitive.
During the coronavirus pandemic we were obviously not allowed to see each other because it would put both of our families at risk. my boyfriend works on a caravan park and he was one of the few that volunteered to work through the pandemic, i was unable to work so i received furlough pay for this time. my boyfriend managed to get a caravan for us to stay in on the park free of charge, this felt like a bonus because we would be able to be together and test what it is like living together. but the incidents started pretty much the first week of us moving in. so for the 3 months of us living together, at least 2-3 times a week he would end up 'working late' on the park we were living on, at first i obviously believed the excuses and just carried on but the more it happened the more ridiculous it became in my mind. often nights he would be working until 12 at night, then to early hours of the morning, dinners i cooked would go uneaten, id spend nights alone having spent the whole day alone being stuck there with no friends or family, and we would sleep separately because he would come in so late and sleep on the couch instead of coming to bed. eventually i became upset when it was consistent that whenever this happened he wouldn't answer his phone to me and leave hours to text me back when i asked him where he was, so i started waiting up for him to come in, to which to my dismay he would stink of alcohol. the excuses kept coming that he was working late or his friends needed him so thats why he wasn't coming home. i found it so ridiculous as he was only in his friends caravan literally on the same park yet he didn't want to come home and was happy to leave me on my own. so certain events occurred where i started to become even more anxious and worried because on multiple occasions when he came home late i noticed other changes in his character, particularly his pupils. as for an example, one night he didnt come in until 12pm and the first thing he did was go on his Xbox with his headset and friends instead of spending time with me, i watched him carefully and noticed he wouldnt stop licking his lips, to say the least my assumptions were correct when i snuck off and went through his work trousers he had taken off that evening and found a packet of cocaine hidden in them. i was devastated. i would have rather it were another woman he was hiding because it would have been easier for me to just break up with him then. i obviously approached him with it, he said the packet of cocaine was his friends which i didnt believe for a second because he had obviously been snorting it and i smelt it on his nose when i kissed him nights before finding it. being in that caravan with him, and wanting it to be good for us and then experiencing all of that, i can honestly say those 3 months of the pandemic were the loneliest and most stressful of my life.
since moving back home he has had a job promotion to manager which ive supported him with although im still not happy about how i was treated in the caravan and he talks about living together again and i just dont think i could ever do it to myself. still now at home he stands me up, doesnt text me back and says hes stuck at work, last night the excuse was his friend had been made homeless, but his friend is a 43 year old man and also does drugs and im pretty sure if his friend didnt spend £40 on cocaine every day then he could afford to not be homeless. im just sick of constantly being pushed to the side and feeling like im the only person in this relationship who gives a damn, i feel like ive been taken for a total ride in this and all the times before the pandemic that he stood me up must have been drug related too. he always apologises but im so angry and resentful of how ive been treated that it just doesnt matter to me because i know it will just happen again. my family is sick of seeing me upset and now they dont like him because of what hes done.
im not sure if ive explained this in the best way that i could but im desperate for some outside opinions.
Unfortunately, it's the drugs which help your BF to be able to lie to you so easily. Why bother being with a guy who needs to help himself before you can and why bother trying to be with a guy who, in his current state, is never going to be there for you because he has another 'mistress' which prevents him of even trying to have any sense of a normal life. This guy's issues are his to sort, if ever, and you don't need to hang around to watch it. His apologies mean nothing if they're repetitive, regardless of the drugs.
Be kind to yourself and walk away so that you can get on with your life without an 'anchor' weighing you down and making you miserable and unhappy. You deserve a guy who has a need to be with you and therefore a guy who loves and respects you.
I agree with Manalone, just walk away. This relationship will never prosper as you are not a priority but the drugs are. So, save your self respect and dignity and remove yourself from this terrible situation.