PeoplesProblems Logo

Is there ANY hope at all for me?

Default profile image
Relationship advice First, a bit of background. I'm a 34 year old man belonging to an ethnic minority in the country I live in. I am an immigrant here, and I hail from a culturally backward country where dating and relationships are still taboo, and are frowned upon. One of the reasons I moved out of my home country, is because I felt suffocated living in such a backward culture. I now live in a reasonably liberal western country (moved here 4 years ago).

Due to the culture I grew up in, my experience with women has been pretty limited. I have only been in three relationships, and they were all pretty short term. I haven't done anything physical beyond kissing, and a bit of foreplay (so I am technically a virgin). My 'relationships' too were never really relationships, they were mostly me being led on and eventually discarded like a used tissue for someone supposedly 'better' than me (taller, better looking, more educated, making more money or a combination of these).

The problem is, I am quite clueless about how I should interact with women in a romantic/flirtatious context, considering my cultural background (I have absolutely no problems having normal, random conversations). I am always respectful, and never do or say anything inappropriate. But it seems like no one is attracted to me. Whenever I have seen 'signs' of someone being attracted, I am proved wrong. I don't know if I am found undesirable due to my ethnicity, lack of experience with women, my accent or something else.

At the end of the day, I am just as human as anybody else. And a straight man, I can't help that I am attracted to women. I Just want to find someone to eventually settle down with, and get married.

There have been times when I have been so dejected that I have explored options to 'desensitise' myself to feelings of lust and attraction, but none of them have worked.

Is there any hope for me, considering that I am a 34 year old 'technical' virgin who also happens to be from an ethnic minority? Some people have suggested me to visit hookers, but that just doesn't appeal to me, and I don;t think I would do that. Yet others have recommended 'dating coaches', but I am not too keen on this either.

P.S. I seem to be doing decently as far as my professional life is concerned. I have a decent job, and I am able to make enough money to put away a couple of hundred bucks per month as savings. Not exceptional, but still quite good considering I had to start my career over from scratch after moving here.

Is there ANY hope at all for me?

Default profile image
Can you make a connection through a church or social/ cultural group that shares your ethnicity? There are probably many adults facing the same challenges you are feeling.

The key is to find people who share your interests .

Is there ANY hope at all for me?

Default profile image
Why don't you try online dating? You might find someone who might be interested in you. You could set the pace of the relationship/friendship and see how things evolve. You just never know.

Is there ANY hope at all for me?

Default profile image
@SUSIEDQQ

Thank you for responding. I have tried something like that. But it seems like single and available women are an endangered species. They all seem to be taken. And the few who aren't, they just aren't interested.

Is there ANY hope at all for me?

Default profile image
@ILOVEIT2020!

Thanks for responding!

Trust me, I have tried a lot of these so-called dating sites. They have never worked for me. I always put so much efforts into creating a profile with good pictures, interesting information etc. But I hardly get matches. Even when I do, I don't get replies.
I have to admit, I am not really good looking (although I don't look terrible either). The thing is, my appeal is definitely not in my looks, it is about my personality, nature and sense of humour. And on a dating site, it is very hard to showcase these because people make their decisions mostly based on pictures.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-1