First, a bit of background. I'm a 34 year old man belonging to an ethnic minority in the country I live in. I am an immigrant here, and I hail from a culturally backward country where dating and relationships are still taboo, and are frowned upon. One of the reasons I moved out of my home country, is because I felt suffocated living in such a backward culture. I now live in a reasonably liberal western country (moved here 4 years ago).
Due to the culture I grew up in, my experience with women has been pretty limited. I have only been in three relationships, and they were all pretty short term. I haven't done anything physical beyond kissing, and a bit of foreplay (so I am technically a virgin). My 'relationships' too were never really relationships, they were mostly me being led on and eventually discarded like a used tissue for someone supposedly 'better' than me (taller, better looking, more educated, making more money or a combination of these).
The problem is, I am quite clueless about how I should interact with women in a romantic/flirtatious context, considering my cultural background (I have absolutely no problems having normal, random conversations). I am always respectful, and never do or say anything inappropriate. But it seems like no one is attracted to me. Whenever I have seen 'signs' of someone being attracted, I am proved wrong. I don't know if I am found undesirable due to my ethnicity, lack of experience with women, my accent or something else.
At the end of the day, I am just as human as anybody else. And a straight man, I can't help that I am attracted to women. I Just want to find someone to eventually settle down with, and get married.
There have been times when I have been so dejected that I have explored options to 'desensitise' myself to feelings of lust and attraction, but none of them have worked.
Is there any hope for me, considering that I am a 34 year old 'technical' virgin who also happens to be from an ethnic minority? Some people have suggested me to visit hookers, but that just doesn't appeal to me, and I don;t think I would do that. Yet others have recommended 'dating coaches', but I am not too keen on this either.
P.S. I seem to be doing decently as far as my professional life is concerned. I have a decent job, and I am able to make enough money to put away a couple of hundred bucks per month as savings. Not exceptional, but still quite good considering I had to start my career over from scratch after moving here.
Can you make a connection through a church or social/ cultural group that shares your ethnicity? There are probably many adults facing the same challenges you are feeling.
The key is to find people who share your interests .
Why don't you try online dating? You might find someone who might be interested in you. You could set the pace of the relationship/friendship and see how things evolve. You just never know.