How do I dump him
I am 50 my partner is 58 we don"t live together but have been in a relationship for 14 years even though it has been platonic for years before we met he had both hips replaced so I have been his part time carer even though I was diagnosed 10 years ago with arthritis in my hands,hips and spine,during lockdown we have isolated apart in our own homes,I have really enjoyed the relaxation and being alone,but he has started calling in to see me on a Sunday for lunch so I feel very used and taken for granted,he has also managed his own care needs apart from his toe nails which I still do even though I am struggling,he and our mutual friends who I have confided in can not see that I have anything to complain about and see him as Mr perfect even when I read texts on his phone last year to another woman about them meeting up and having feelings for each other,when I confronted him he blamed me for checking his phone and said he had got a friend to put the texts on his phone to prove I was checking it,the same friends also blamed me and said I should not have checked his phone we broke up for a while and he said things would change but they are just the same,I don"t love him and never have it is something I can not seem to get out of.
It would be good to talk to a professional counselor to figure out why you feel so committed to this man. Pity? Sex? Financial? Pressure from friends?
It seems you want more in a relationship than to cut toenails. He can get that done at a pedicure.place.
You have had a taste of “ freedom”. It would be frustrating to go backwards in your life after that.
Well, you sound very miserable and unhappy, as this person is not adding any value to your life. If you no longer love him, so, why stay? why do you keep giving him the permission to mistreat you. If you have communicated to him to make changes, and if that does not happen, then you leave. When you stay, it encourages him to repeat the behavior.
In his mind, it is okay for him to mistreat you. He will tell you all day long things will change, but if his actions do not match his words, things will not improve. You only have one life to live and your happiness is paramount. So, delete and block is number and email and refrain from contacting him. If he does, just ignore him. I know it is easier said than done, yes it is. Change is not supposed to be easy, but in order for one to achieve goals or make positive changes in ones life, one needs to put in the work. So, try to be strong and persistent. Good luck!
what you say makes a lot of sense that is exactly how I feel and I don"t value myself as I have had a lifetime of abuse,not only sex abuse as a child from 2 family members but a 20 year marriage to a manipulative bully,I had verbal abuse,mental abuse,physical abuse,financial abuse and repeated rapes that were not seen as that because it was during marriage,as a result I have battled mental health problems for years and seen a lot of councilors,I now have a mental health key worker who I have been unable to see since February.
You said you “enjoy“ your new freedom. Develop that.
Also practice say “I am not able to do that” when he pressures you to do something. (He sounds like he has no idea how to treat a lady)
Can’t you do Zoom or other media with your counselor?