My parents do not approve of my relationship choice
DISHEARTENED - Jul 22 2020 at 01:26
I recently began a relationship with a man who is 11 years older than me. I'm in my early twenties and still live at home while attending graduate school. Over the past few months, I have developed what I feel is a serious, committed relationship with this man. My parents like this man as a person, but feel that the 11 year age difference is creepy, and don't think our values line up well enough (Religion differences, etc.).
Because of this, my mom prevents me from seeing him alone, or going to his house. We've had a lot of conflict over my relationshp. My mom and I are very close, and this is pushing us apart and causing us both a lot of stress and anxiety. I don't know what to do. If I break up with him, potentially the conflict between my mom and I would resolve. However, I would be very unhappy, and it would definitely crush the heart of this man. If I stay with him, I have to deal with my parents' restrictions and constant reminders of their disapproval. I know my parents have the best intentions, but this is tearing me apart emotionally.
I guess my question is, is there a solution I am not seeing? Should I break up, and break my heart and this man's heart, or should I stay with him and deal with the emotional stress this is causing me?
Thanks for sharing and allow me to review what others have already shared or you already know.
First, at your age, you are a guest in your parent's home. Whereas they not doubt love to have you there as you finish your education, it is still their home, their values, their decisions. So how are your negotiation skills?
As SUSIEDQQ mentioned, I don't think the age difference is the concern. Eleven years is insignificant when his values as moral, ethical, and legal. However, when these values conflict with your own (or your parents), there are potential problems sustaining a long term relationship. When the romance is gone, those values are what hold the relationship in place. Could that be your mother's concern?
You may consider seeing him in the company of your parents and meeting him in places that meet with your parents approval. If the relationship is real, and he is willing to make compromises in keeping with your parent's wishes, he may be worth wainting for.
Good luck, and tell us how it goes.