Infidelity solution: penalties or trust
My boyfriend is worried that i could be unfaithful to him in the future since i had cheated in a past relationship. I told him i realized i made a terrible mistake in the past and that I have no intention of cheating ever again. I never cheated on him. He asked me whether i would be willing to make a solemn oath of fidelity before God. In the oath, i would say that if i ever cheated on him, i accept that a spell of back luck and tragedies would follow me for the rest of my life and beyond. He is willing to take the same oath himself. He says i have nothing to lose if i do not intend to cheat, and that i should be happy he is willing to take that oath himself. I see his point, but somehow it makes me uncomfortable. I told him that in a relationship we must learn to build trust, and that it is not healthy to rely on the fear of penalties instead of genuine trust. Am i wrong? He says this is important to him and without some reassurance he does not feel at ease to make a deeper commitment to our relationship. Thanks for your thoughts.
Yep, you're more than correct with your opinion of relationships built on trust, rather than penalties. Your BF needs to understand that all relationships must have trust to thrive and survive the long run. You have everything to lose by going along with his oath because you're basically betraying your values if you do. What's in your past, stays there and it's for learning from and not for living in.
If he doesn't feel at ease being with you, for whatever the reason, then he's not with the right person because he won't be able to commit 100%..it's that simple.
Red alarm on this ! Anyone who pressures you to make a pledge is attempting to control or cohere you. Beware of men who do this. It’s the beginning stage of abuse.
That’s NOT how he’s going to keep you faithful!
Refuse to discuss this with him.