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My girlfriend made anti-men comments and I don't know how to feel

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It started with her growling "men" whenever a man would ever so slightly inconvenience her, then it would move on to her making generalizing comments.
One night, her friends decided to make anti-men comments and she encouraged them. This incident was the camel that broke the straw's back.

When I confronted her about her behavior, she said "oh", and then proceeded to ignore the fact that I was upset for the rest of the night.
The next day, she acknowledged that I was still upset, but I told her that I did not want to talk about it, as I prefer to wait till I'm less angry before I have a conversation with the person who upset me.
Throughout the day, she made me feel disregarded and at lunch asked what I wanted to do for our anniversary "if we even had one". When I asked her what she meant by that, she said that she stood by what she said. I managed to get some time away from her where I was able to calm down.

Later that night, we talked about why I was upset. I explained to her that my mom used to make comments like that to me when I was a child, so that hearing my partner saying similar things struck a particularly sensitive nerve. While she apologized for hurting me and promised never to make comments like that again, she opted to justify her perspective, refused to apologize for making the comments in the first place, said that she was getting upset with my attitude throughout the day, and made me feel like she felt it was more important to justify her perspective than it was to apologize and make my emotions feel validated. I was so emotionally exhausted that I couldn't deal with the conversation anymore, so I dropped it.

Fast forward a few months and she decided to call my feelings regarding not wanting to do something how she wanted a "bs excuse". This was essentially her opening Pandora's box, because I had been struggling to feel heard and validated in our relationship for a long time. I explained to her that she hadn't been making me feel heard or validated for months and provided her with several examples and ways she could have made me feel understood. One topic that I brought up was the conversation about her comments.

I explained to her that I felt completely dismissed by her comment at the restaurant, and that it felt like she viewed pushing her perspective was more important than apologizing and making me feel understood. I also pointed out that if our situation was reversed, that she would have ended the relationship. While she explained her that she wasn't coming from a place of hostility with her comment at the restaurant, and apologized for making me feel dismissed throughout the conversation, she still felt that her comments were justified in the first place, and confirmed that she would have ended our relationship if I had made anti-women comments. She also stated that she was hurt by my reaction to her comments rather than my being upset about a society that "necessitates the use of those comments in the first place."

What hurts is that she feels that: A.) A double standard applies, so that it is okay for her to make anti-men comments without consequence on our relationship or to herself, and B.) Making inflammatory and inciting comments is a positive way to open discussion and make people think critically about women's issues.

I've told her that while I appreciate the apologies and clarifications, that I do not support her views and refuse to take responsibility or apologize for her being hurt by my reaction to her comments because what she said was only meant to be hurtful. I explained that I was disappointed and hurt that she made the comments in the first place because I thought she was better than that.

She's now saying that I'm being judgmental and attacking her character.


When I asked for advice from my friends and on another forum, the general advice was to leave her and find someone better.

My girlfriend made anti-men comments and I don't know how to feel

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If she has no respect for you as a man and as her partner, and it looks like she doesn't, then why bother being with her. If she's not giving you any positive predictability in your relationship together, and you're struggling to feel validated, then you're basically wasting your time. Sure, she's entitled to her opinions, but she needs to define where she fits into the big picture which drives her opinions and she needs to understand that you're not responsible for society's defects, be whatever they are.

It's not so much about finding someone better, it's about being with someone who shares your values and goals, loves and respects you for who you are, and therefore has a need to be with you regardless of opinions.

My girlfriend made anti-men comments and I don't know how to feel

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Wonder what’s going on in her life that she needs to express these opinions, even at your disregard.

Consider a separation at this time. She apparently has some issues she must resolve before being ready to have you back in her life.

The first one is that ALL men are not all alike.

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