So, I am in need of a little (or a lot) of advice. If anyone would be so inclined. Me and my girlfriend have been in a serious relationship over seven months now, and are going to be moving in together within the next few months. There are a few different problems that I am having and don't quite know what to do as I havent experienced these issues in any of my past relationships.
Firstly, as it is the first problem I ran into in this relationship, and this is why I need LGBTQ+ friendly advice.. Her family that she is close with (Specifically parents) are very against LGBTQ+. Some of her family doesn't even know about her being lesbian. Her mother specifically has like this rule that they don't talk about it and has almost made herself forget. She thinks I am just a friend, and it has been that way with all of my girlfriends past relationships. Her family has always thought her girlfriends were just friends. Which I understood for people when you are still living with your parents but I am 25 and she is 29. This is strange at this age right?? Or am I just too open and proud cause?? Though we do live in the bible belt and sometimes it feels unsafe to walk around like kissing or holding hands, you should be able to say you are in a relationship to family. Right? Just any advice or shared experiences may help..
Secondly, and this could be relatble to anyone I suppose, she talks about her ex a lot. I mean we've had the whold exes discussions and shared our pasts. But there is one ex in particular she talks about and its her most recent they broke up like 3 or 4 months before we started dating, though they were together for three years. She talks a lot about the issues they had and things she done that annoyed her or led to the break up. Sometimes it just makes me question whether she has moved on, though she says she could never be with her and their lifestyles differ too much now, it still is there, that thought that she misses her and wants her back is there.
Just any advice on either of these things would be super helpful, I live in the bible belt so not a lot of gay or lesbian friends that I can ask advice from and I feel like my other friends won't understand as much. I don't want these to turn into bigger problems later on or end our relationship, because I do love her. Just advice on what this could mean or how to discuss these without her feeling attacked or defensive. I've tried to talk to her about the family thing a bit but she gets really defensive and says how she would rather not argue with her mom or start trouble over something so small. For me personally it isn't small as being in the LGBTQ+ is something I am very proud of and is a big part of my identity.
If you have read all this thank you! I applaud you and have a wonderful day.
Her mother and family know what’s going on.
You two are enough the way you are. No need for seeking validation from people who can’t or won’t show it.
Socialize or travel where there are people who don’t mind PDA . I bet no one in the family shows affection to one another, right?
They do to eachother. They just dont approve of us and she doesn't want to cut ties or upset them.