It feels like my boyfriend hates me?
Okay so where to begin...
We got together in February (valentines day to be exact). He was recently released from jail (after serving 2 years) he was on electronic tag. I gave him the Benefit of the doubt as he commited the crime whilst he was 19. He ended up back in jail after the first two times of us meeting. As he breached his tag. I had the choice to stay with him as I was only having to wait a month, or move on. I chose to stay as I really liked him and I thought their was potential. He rang me when he got sent to jail after meeting two times he told me he loved me. He rang me every day morning and sometimes after noons and would write too me every day when he first got in there he wrote me 4 letters in the first day. So before I even got his details to write to him I had loads of letters. He gave me the typical jail talk. Soon he started telling me he didn’t want me going out to party. I stayed over at my friends house, I was outside and my phone was on charge and I missed his first call the second he was questioning me about who I was with and why I was staying out, he then put the phone down on me and didn’t speak to me for a day.
I went on a visit to see him, and I said I don’t know how I feel about the relationship and too maybe continue things when he’s home and too cut contact whilst he was in there. He told me he’ll replace me and that he’s using me for food anyway on the visit he then started apologizing. He got out and he came to my house that day, let’s just say he moved in from then he never left. Everything was good for the first couple of months we was happy and content. The honey moon stage soon started too disappear and we would start to biccer which then would turn into arguments. During an argument he put his hands around my throat and strangled me for a few seconds. I told him I never wanted to talk to him again. He promised it would never happen. That was a lie I should of left then. He didn’t touch me for a while after this but the next time after this is was more violent he would bite my face my nose mostly, bite my arms so hard they would leave teeth marks for hours and then bruise. He didn’t strangle me untill a few weeks later, it then turned into him tapping me across my face and then punching me not directly in my face but on my jaw. He’s strangled me about 2 weeks ago telling me he’s going to fucking kill me and that he hates me.
He used to compliment me every day and tell me he loves me. Now he doesn’t he tells me to look at the state of me and that he can do better. I don’t know why I’m still with him. I feel stuck.
He wouldn’t get a job he was happy enough to sit and live of me. I found him a job I answered all the questions for him. He promised me things would get better now he’s working because we’re not together 24/7. But they’ve got worse? He works long hours and when he gets home he just sleeps I under stand he works but he still needs to find time for us. I explained to him how I just feel alone. He’ll always turn everything round on me.
He never wants to do anything with me we went out for dinner and his face looked like someone had smacked it. I knew he didn’t want to be there I just don’t understand why he doesn’t love me like he used to and why he hates me so much
After work on a Friday they all go to the pub and he started sniffing cocaine. Which I didn’t know about. I said after the pub me and him will have a little drink and just catch up with each other due to not seeing each other all week. I got really drunk and he was trying to lick me out on the sofa he wouldn’t take no for an answer I really didn’t want too as I felt really sick and just wanted to go to bed. I end up going to bed and he was trying to have sex with me I told him I didn’t want too. He forced his fingers so forcefully up me I was bleeding heavily. I couldn’t walk I was in pain for just over a week. In the morning he tried too act like he couldn’t remember what happened which caused another argument where he strangled me again this point I felt like he was going to kill me the hatred in his face for me. I’m then hitting him scratching his face for him to let go of me which he finally did.
I’ve not been well today. He wants to go away for a weekend for my birthday. But I told him I don’t want to do that I’ll go away for a night I want to do something with my friends. He flipped on me saying I just want to go out and have sex with other guys and that I’m a slag and why wouldn’t I want to spend my birthday with him. I tried explaining to him that it’s my birthday and i want to go out to party with my friends. He told me I’m a bad person he doesn’t love me and he hasn’t ever loved me. He said he’s going out too go and cheat on me he’s going to find the first girl he can in the pub and sleep with them. He went to pub 6 hours ago it’s now night time he’s turned off his phone.
I feel so lost and down I don’t even feel like my self. I have no one to speak to I hate my self and I hate my life. I just need someone to talk to because I’ve tried speaking to people but I just can’t ever tell anyone the truth just half truths.
I don’t understand my own head anymore I don’t even feel like me.
Idon’t understand how he can now treat me so poorly when one day he used to worship the ground I walked on. I don’t know why I am sticking around to be treated so badly. He always says it’s me that speaks to him like shit and that I’m the bad one. This isn’t who I am I’ve Been a strong person in a past I would never of tolerated this ever.
Has anyone been through similar. I feel so sick I’m constantly tired my head hurts all the time. I look in the mirror I don’t even see me anymore. He’s told me in the past how he still has love for his ex. But then says too me he never said this too me and that it’s all in my head and how deluded I must be .
My advice to you is to run! This is a very unhealthy relationship and you might wound up getting harmed or dead based on his violent behavior. You are in an abusive relationship and things will only get worse if you think he will get better. You have lost your self esteem and self-worth being with someone with this sort of behavior. If you love yourself, please end this relationship, as he doesn't value or love you.
The guy's a serious threat to your safety and well being and your whole post is about abuse and more abuse. Get away from him as a quick and safely as you can. He's headed for jail time again and you don't need to be his personal football to kick around when he feels like it. Find yourself a decent man who at least has respect for himself and therefore knows how to treat a partner with respect and dignity.