Crush on someone with a partner
I have a bit of a dilemma. My older sister has been with her boyfriend around 5 years now. He has a brother who I have a major crush on, and have done for a couple of years now. The problem is he has a girlfriend, who is not a great character. She lies, takes drugs and has has a history of dodgy lifestyles and behaviours. He on the other hand is very soft natured, nice looking and quite shy.
From what I have been told, she cheats on my crush and they are continually falling out. She is also very possessive.
I told my sister and her boyfriend I liked the brother. The boyfriend said he would rather his brother be with me than his partner and had thought in the past as well as others we would get together one day. I own my own small business and am very Independent. Plus I don’t have any dodgy history! I live a fairly drama free life.
The boyfriend keeps saying he is going to tell his brother how I feel yet never does. I appreciate this is awkward and I’m not expecting the brother to drop his woman for me. I just feel we would make a nice couple. Does he fancy me? I’m unsure. When we see each other we get on very well and he always likes my sexy selfies on social media but I understand that doesn’t mean a thing. I just don’t know what to do. I’m thinking I should not say anything and continue being as polite as normal.
Any advice would be great
Yep, your best bet Laura, is to say nothing and just continue to get on with your life. It's this guy's decision, and his only, to stay with or leave his current GF regardless of her personality and character. If he did leave her, then he'd need to get over her first properly before he could be with anyone else successfully, including you. If it's going to happen, it'll happen but it'll end up more than awkward for you if you try and influence the outcome no matter how polite you are.
Thank you manalone!
I kinda already knew the answer anyway. It’s so frustrating isn’t it when someone chooses to be taken for a fool when they have the potential to be so much happier with a decent person. Apparently his self esteem is rock bottom and he feels he can’t do any better! Can you think of why his brother is choosing not to say anything when they allegedly don’t like him being with the partner?
Well ... Brother is very wisely staying out of someone else’s love life.
You say you own your own business. Then you know the importance of making sure you speak to the right person when trying to make a sale. All other staff does not have the power to authorize anything of importance.
So it is with this guy. You need to spend some time Directly with him and try to pitch the “ sale” I. E. Your feelings.
But you also need to look at him and really determine if he is strong enough and capable enough to be considered worthy of your time. He really sounds like he’s happy right where he is, otherwise he would make a move to get out of the relationship. His poor self esteem keeps him there.
Do you really have the time for another “ project”?
And as you say if he is so unhappy he would make an effort to get out. The brother says he’s terribly unhappy and won’t leave as he had nobody else and nowhere to go, yet he doesn’t tell his brother how I feel!
Why would you have another person take that message to him - a message that is so private and self-revealing for you?
Hi LauraBell 1992:
What might happen if you surpressed your feelings for this individual? Do you think over time, you may regret not having said anything? Do you think he may regret you never having told him how you feel? Ask yourself what could be the worst thing that could happen if you were honest with him. Are you willing to live with the potential rejection or his ambivalence?
Life is a series of risks, but often exiciting risks. Weight the consequences of approaching him and make a decsion. I will be curious how it goes.