Will ever he forgive me and take me back?
Corona virus really did ruin things for me and my boyfriend. We've been together 10 months now and its safe to say that we havent felt this way about anyone else. We love each other very dearly. Few months ago, around May, I heard word from a family friend that my boyfriends' best friend(who is also close to me because his family and mine know each other), was having feelings for me. I had to inform my boyfriend about this. He in turn stopped talking to him. I on the other hand, blocked for a while, but unblock him for 3 days recently and didnt tell my boyfriend about it. I even said a few words to him without my boyfriend knowing because i was scared how he would take it. Now my boyfriend knows and we've not been in a good place for about 6 days now.
Yesterday, now that he has all my social media passwords, he saw the chat between my best friend and i, that took place long back. My boyf and i got together on November 6th but on 7th, another guy kissed me but i didnt tell my boyfriend cause it was the starting stages. I however cut the other guy completely after that and never looked at a single soul after that incident. i regret it with my life.
I'm even very close to his family. We've taken our relationship very beautifully but things got so messy lately. Yesterday after he got to know about the other guy, he said he hated me, that i was a slut and that i dont deserve true love ever.I even said i was gonna kill myself and he said 'take a video while ur at it'. He's the kinda guy who gets angry and spits real crap but sometimes doesnt mean it. I love him more than my own life.But he wont believe me, I've told him I'd never let him down and that id keep very happy in the future and hed know no sorrow. i even told him he'd be proud of me. I mean everything I say, my chest was on fire yesterday, i told him the truth that id keep him happy and not look at anyone ever. He's already been cheated by his ex and i dont want him to think im like her cause unlike her, im willing to change for the better for him and i.
I got a panic attack yesterday and couldnt breathe, puked blood and hyperventilated. he was on the call throughout with me telling me he wouldnt leave me but i felt it was only because i was in that condition. He even cried saying he didnt deserve this after loving me so truly. I know he still loves me. I urged him to promise me and after a good 10-15 mins, he said he promised me he wouldnt leave. Idk what to do now. i want to give him his space, he left me on read today morning when i wrote to him that id always keep him happy ans that i was trly sorry for what happened. Im petrified right now. Please give me some positive advise.
For every action, there's a reaction and that's what you're experiencing now with your BF. He's been cheated on in the past and this whole scenario has bought it back for him. He wiped his best friend and he would have expected you to stay loyal to him even after only 10 months. You can't blame the Covid for your actions and you shouldn't need to change for anyone, rather your BF should accept you for who you are even after loving you so truly. It's all OK to tell him that you'd never let him down, but in his eyes, that's exactly what you have done regardless of what you said to his best friend.
Give him his space and let him work it out. He can't stop another guy having feelings for you, just as he can't stop you from reacting to it in the way that you needed to...with a few words. Your biggest sin, in his opinion, was to go behind his back and his biggest sin was to call you vile names etc whether he means it or not. There's no room for any of it in a successful relationship. It's not so much about you keeping him happy, it's about you being happy and whether you'll be happy being with him in the future if it works out.
Thank you for your advise. I went to his place yesterday and we kind of made up completely and really bonded a lot throughout the day. Im only 18 so my parents are a bit conservative especially coming from India so no sleepovers. However he still gets weirded when he sees texts to other guys where they say 'cutie' and stuff even though I don't respond. Ive really tried changing for him for the better and I think its working. Only time will tell. But I'm sure about having a future with him. He's not like anyone I've ever met. I love him truly. What do I do when he gets weirded out with past texts with guys? He doesn't talk properly for a while after that and it freaks me out is all.
He needs to help you to understand why he gets weird when he sees texts from other guys and explain to you the cause of this behavior. He needs to trust you & if he's still insecure from his last relationship where his GF cheated on him, then he needs to understand that you are not her. He doesn't need to retreat 'into his shell' when it happens because it solves nothing and just leaves you wondering, waiting and as you say, freaked out. A further result of his insecurity is his calling you some seriously bad names when he should be enjoying his time with you and respecting you.
You're 18 and it's not up to you to have to change your BF, rather you have to accept all of him, good and bad, but that doesn't mean you should put up with his abuse because he can't get his head around what happened with his past. It's your business how you react to other guy's texts etc and he doesn't have the right to dictate to you about it. He doesn't own you and never will regardless of where your relationship goes.
Things were okay for the past few days but I think my boyfriend changes moods very quickly. I have my exams next Friday and I study engineering so its very tough. He insists on me coming over and says he doesnt care about what my parents say(I live with them and they're pretty hands on with where I go during this pandemic), nor does he care about my exams apparently. He says it's the least he deserves after everything I've put him through which I agree to completely but in this case, Im really not able to go until the 17Th. He's always been a guy who tells me to put my work first but I think this incident really shook him to his cores which I do empathise with, but cant do much till the 17th. He wouldnt talk to me properly and keeps insisting on me coming and cuts my calls and doesnt respond in more than a word. WHAT DO I DO????? I'm helpless.
How old is this guy?
What do you mean “ got together “ in November? Just met? Dated, then Relationship was Committed , then and exclusive rights were promised?
Whenever anyone wants to punish another person, one tactic might be to stop talking to that person. This seems to be what he does to you and it drives you crazy. It’s also manipulation. Know that about him.
Your parents are very concerned because you are young and you have a career path and this boy or any other boy might derail that path. You can’t blame them for wanting to protect you. But they must allow you to have relationships. So just him coming over to visit you should be allowed. I don’t know how you can talk your parents into letting you have visitors. So ... it become even more exciting for both of you that you can’t see each other. They should know that. Do you have any family member that can talk to them about your need to have people come over to visit you, including young men?
10 months is not a long time. But you already see red flags going up about this young man. Just be very aware of the games he might be trying to play on you. Also reduce the amount of attention that you may need from this young man because you have your studies to concentrate on. Is he your first love interest?