Regret about past decisions
Lately I've been thinking a lot about past bad decisions I've made, and I don't know how to stop thinking about it or feeling guilty. For instance, I had this one friend, not close, but I knew him throughout high school. He didn't outright say it for a long time but I always knew he liked me. I was a very socially awkward person who wasn't good at talking about my feelings at this point.Instead of just being blunt and asking him how he felt, I just tried to make it obvious I wasn't interested without outright saying it because I wasn't sure how to bring it up without sounding mean. I enjoyed talking to him but I never felt anything romantic.We didn't honestly hang out outside of school till our senior year and we only did a couple times. By that point I thought he wasn't interested anymore but when we did stuff I realized he was.
When I realized he still had a crush on me(even though he hadn't said it to my face) I started making excuses as to why I couldn't hang out with him, instead of just asking him what his intentions were. I was trying to avoid outright rejecting him by trying to find an easier way to do it. Eventually he finally outright said he had feelings for me, and I finally did have to be blunt with him. Needless to say it didn't end well because we both got emotional, I was sad I had no one to talk to anymore but understood we couldn't be friends.
Has anyone else been in this situation and how did you handle getting over it? I know I screwed up and I now know I just need to be direct with people but still feel guilty.
No need to feel guilty. He wanted something more out of your relationship. You were not able to provide that particular dynamic. What he chose to do with that information was his choice.
( It would have been different if you had “ lead him on” but you don’t say that’s why you feel guilty - RIGHT??)
You can’t fill the needs of other people. Don’t be afraid of being honest.
Why you were so afraid of him having feelings for you?
i haven't been in this situation, specifically. my heartbreak was after being lead on.
it's obvious to you now, but don't beat yourself up. how you positioned the bluntness of your feelings had disasterous effect.
i don't know that this will help, but maybe. potentially, make contact with him. apologize for how your answer to his confession of liking you had an adverse reaction. that you'd value him most as a friend, and that you'd maybe date him after getting to know the guy he is today.
maybe you can have a friend, and maybe it's another disaster. that's a tough choice but the chance is there.