He keeps making excuses
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years now. I have lived on my own since I was 18, I am 26 now. He still lives with his parents, he is 24. I understand with him being younger he might not “be there” but he is the main one that continues to say that he “can’t wait to have kids” “can’t wait to get married” “can’t wait to live together”. Now any time I bring up moving in, marriage or kids I’m either “nagging” or “rushing”...
His parents and I get along great. But every time he tells them he’s ready to move out, they give him a hard time and make him feel bad about it. So that makes him “second guess” moving. I’ve offered him to move in with me but he declined. He does help me with bills and we even have a couple bills together. He stays at my house at least 2,3 days a week and every other weekend because of his work schedule.
Moral of the story I’m in a rut. I wear my heart on my sleeves and I’m not good about not talking about it. So every time we talk about moving forward we end up arguing because I don’t understand what his motives are (or aren’t). Now I have gone months without saying a thing about it. During that time he will bring it up about he’s “going to go look at houses” but then months go by and nothing happens. Then if I ask for an update, I’m nagging again. I’ve read that giving an ultimatum is wrong and I am guilty of doing that in the past. Plus I feel like you can’t exactly rush engagement and everything that follows.
I feel like I’m almost on a losing battle against him and his parents. I don’t understand and I have expressed to him that he can’t basically torture me with the fact that he “wants” to move on as a couple but he keeps hitting the breaks. I do love him and I would like to be with him but what if he “talks out both sides of his neck” with everything? Not sure how to approach this.
The guy needs to help you to understand and communicate honestly to you, as to why he keeps coming up with excuses when you try to discuss your future together. Actions speak louder than words in every way and his 'can't waits' are ringing hollow if he won't back them up. His age and maturity doesn't come into it if you're sharing bills and under the same roof half the week.
If you get on great with his parents, then it could be worth your while to ask them what's going on. Yes, ultimatums may be wrong in certain circumstances, but you can't keep on going the way you are and if your guy keeps blocking your efforts trying to plan your life together, for whatever his reasons, then you may have to put him 'on the spot' to discover the true reason/s.
Really - why should he rock the boat? He’s got the best of two worlds.
Personally, I think a 24 guy who has already been in a 2 1/2 year relationship went into this far too young. He’s got a lot of growing up to do, including getting his school or career in place. So there’s no real rush for him to make any move in terms of taking on a wife or husband duties. Not that he’s even capable of that.
I have no advice for you, except he may be the right guy, but it’s the wrong time.