My mom's siblings are so mean to her and my grandparents
My mom has 2 brothers who I feel have been jealous of her ever since our family became more financially well-off.
My mom is always thoughtful of them, always goes out of her way to buy them food, take their kids out to have fun, and every time we go on vacation she always gets them souvenirs-I know that my mom has good intentions, but all of this I think has only ever been seen by them as my mom trying to show off. All this time, I've never seen them do any nice gestures for my mom, which really is upsetting because my mom doesn't realize this but I've been seeing this all along. But because I was young back then I didn't dare to say anything about it.
These 2 brothers also always try to conceal the amount of money they have from their parents (my grandparents) to avoid having to pay for any medical bills or help out with living expenses since my grandparents are both retired. My parents are normally the ones who cover my grandparents medical bills-even though we don't mind this, it's really upsetting to think that even when my grandmother had to have surgery, my uncles just disappeared so that they wouldn't be asked to help split the cost (smh). This really disappointed my grandparents and my mom.
Recently something happened that caused my uncles to be really mean to my mom. They even used my grandparents, trying to get them to scold my mom by saying things like "you don't love us, you only love her(my mom)". Of course, my grandparents are reasonable and refused to do so. But because of this, my mom is really hurt as she now sees that her brothers don't even think of her as a sister. They always try to get things out of her, like money borrowed that they don't return, etc. And now this. I'm really frustrated to see this, I don't understand why they are so mean to their own sister? How does jealousy like that grow within siblings? What can my mom do about this? She's tried to talk to them, but one brother didn't even want to answer her calls and posted some nasty comments about her online. It's just really frustrating for me to see because being a young member of the extended family, I can't really speak up against my elders.
Sorry for the rant, and thank you!
This is a very complicated matter, but very common in families. The fact that your mother is the only female in the family has something to do with it. She is by nature probably more nurturing and approachable and willing to give her time and talents and financial assistance to her parents then the brothers are.
Perhaps the brothers don’t know what they can do. Have they ever had a chance to offer what they can do for their mother? Maybe grandma needs to go and visit with them alone without your mother. They seem to be yearning for some kind of a relationship with her and rightly or wrongly they may feel as though your mother is interfering with that. Suppose they are feeling left out?
Then there’s the idea that they are strictly jealous of the relationship your mother has with her mother. As I said before this is very common when there are daughters and sons. Hopefully it can get resolved soon. Time is so precious.
Encourage professional assistance ( pastor? Family counselor?) or trusted relative or lawyer. Another idea is to hire someone to do all those chores, care, etc. Then sons and daughters can be just that, and all other things are handled by independent source.