I've been with my boyfriend for 18 months, im 40 and he's 43. We've had a really tough time so far and I'm worried he's going to realise I'm not worth all the aggro. When we first got together I was a nightmare when I'd had a drink, I was diagnosed with anxiety and put on medication. We then realised I was bleeding during and after sex. After numerous trips to the doctors I was referred to the hospital. I had a loop procedure, biopsy and mri and in November last year was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I had 4 cycles of chemo, the last being at the start of lockdown. I had a full hysterectomy in May and was given the all clear in June. 3 weeks after I got the all clear my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 oral cancer, which thankfully could be treated with surgery, which he is now recovering from. His surgery was extremely hard but hes doing well. I've not started HRT as of last week as I'm showing severe signs of menopause. My boyfriend has been through all this with me and has mostly been great, but he can get nasty and make me feel like a burden. Started calling me lazy a few days after my surgery, telling me how I owe him and how he wouldn't be lifting a finger after id recovered. We moved in together during lockdown and its been great, but I was made redundant in April so have relied on him a lot. I give him ever bit of money I have after paying my own bills so I don't have money to do anything. I've moved 40 mins drive from my friends and family so am on my own all day and extremely lonely. Now the menopause has kicked in and I'm having mood swings and am highly emotional. Hes says I'm ungrateful after everything he's done for me because I'm feeling lost. I spend my days cleaning and painting his house but nothing seems to be enough.
If you have friends and family...I suggest you go back home.
I don't know if he is sick of "caring for you" but to worry about that when you have so many years ahead...it seems he is not someone you can count on.
It hurts to end relationships...but trust me you will find someone more compatible with you at 45....I am 56 and it is harder and harder to find a partner...but your young....drive the 40 minutes back to your family and use their support to get you well again....focus on yourself...
He's not talking nice to you saying you are "ungrateful"...etc...You have so much to be grateful for...you have your health back...and you do not need his bull...I'm sorry about your Dad...I lost my Dad too...its hard....
But, your DAD would probably think you should be back at home also....I hope you do this for yourself because he is starting with the dismissive name calling now...and it will only get worse...you really only knew him about 10 months before your health issues started....you should be feeling loved and cherished wether you have become ill or not...Your not feeling "safe" mentally or you wouldn't be typing about this topic.
Please go home.