Is he cheating?
My boyfriend is 43- I am 28.. we have been dating for about 3years.
Awhile ago now all of a sudden he lost all sexual attraction toward me.. Well what I feel has happened, even though he assumes me he has not.
So we had a very active sex life to begin with..
Now it is a rare act.. when we do it is crapy morning sex and very vanilla.. nothing exciting.
I have tried everything to figure out why and try to fix the problem with no luck..
I resorted to asking him what was going on.. he just defensively reply’s that he is lazy.. which is all well and good but I do everything for this guy.. and he makes it no secret in telling me how much he enjoys me looking after him and cooking for him every night..
So I am being to think he is only still around for those things.
The other night we had sex for the first time in about a month maybe longer..
I brought up last night just before we went to sleep, how I feel as If he isn’t even putting in any enough and I feel unappreciated, unattractive and paranoid all the time.
His response was “How? We’ve had sex twice this week”
Why the hell would he say we had sex twice this week when we hadn’t had sex in over a month before doing it once 2 nights prior to this conversation..??
I was taken back by that statement, by this time he has snapped out of his sleepy eyes and is like you remember on the weekend..
And what felt like to me as trying to scramble with what he had just said by saying he must be going crazy then.
I need advise to if anyone else would be confused on if they had sex twice in a week after a month of no sex.. I would think you would have clearly known you have only fucked once.
You know what they say about following your gut....and now he has said something "out there"...
Its normal to have a very active sex life in the beginning of the relationship and with some people it will start to taper off...but, if you have these feelings..where he is treating you differently....and in addition to that it is affecting your spirit...mood and relationship....
Time for a serious talk...and possibly time to start letting go of him as from what you say it seems that he started letting go of you already.
Slow down on the cooking and things you do for HIM and see how he interprets THAT.
While you are contributing to your relationship with this guy, you're getting nothing in return, regardless of the lack of sex. If the guy's not respecting you, then you're basically alone and by yourself. Yep, you need to listen to your gut rather than follow your heart.
we completely agree
I needed to know that I wasn’t just thinking irrationally.
Thank you guys.
May I offer another perspective?
There is a 15 year difference here and what you are feeling is not unusual for your individual ages.You are at your peak sexually while he is experiencing the first downslide in frequency. Something to consider, especially since you have been in the relationship for a while.
Men in their 40s are working on their career. This is a very stressful time for anyone who has a business. Is he tired, stressed out at work, not feeling well, anxious, worried about things financially? All of these things have to be considered. Plus, you asked him a question when he Was just getting up from sleeping. Not a fair time to ask such an important question.
Can I suggest that you go away for the weekend? Maybe a change of scenery might help and get you both back on track in meeting your needs. Remember this issue will get even more intense as you get older with this 15 year difference.
Lots to consider for you. There must be more than sex to hold a couple together. Don’t jump to the conclusion that he is cheating because his sex drive has really dropped. Time for some honest dialogue between you two or go to counseling.
Thanks so much!
I'm about to turn 40. I disagree with what's been said about older guys.
I can see from your photo that you're very attractive.
Judging by the way you write, it seems to me that you're also a very nice girl. You come off as very easygoing and likeable.
If you were my girlfriend, I can assure you that we would be having sex more often than once a month.
I hate to tell you this, but something is up here.
I’m glad a male of similar age was able to give some input to the situation.
I think I have made the issue worse by bringing it up, it was my last resort because really the last thing I wanted to have to do was say “Hey, you need to be banging me more”.