Making excuses to discard partner?
Please I need advice: I have been 6 years with X. The last 3 years we were long distance. X discarded me several times the last couple of years, then would come back, discard me again and the pattern would repeat. About 10 days ago X hoovered again and claimed to have realized that I am the one etc. So I agreed to renew our relationship . We currently live in different countries. On Friday we talked, X was talking about moving back in with me and we happily planned to do a video call for Saturday. Saturday came and I had a medical emergency to take care of (overnight my child and I became sick) so during the day I texted X that I was not at home and that I would call as soon as I get home, which I did. When I did call, because of the time difference, it was about 5:30pm for me, 11:30pm for X. X blocked my calls but exchanged text messages with me for about 45 minutes during which I tried to explain and X was saying how wrong it was what I had done, calling X at that particular time, not calling X earlier, that I should have given details about the medical emergency in my texts (my plan was to give details about the medical emergency to X during the video call that was planned). Then X wrote to me ‘’enough, we will speak on Sunday’’. We briefly spoke once on Sunday morning during which X lashed out at me about what had happened Saturday and said ''I don't want to speak to you anymore today'' and hanged up. Am I crazy? Did I really do something wrong? Should I have called from the doctor's office on Saturday? Should I have texted in greater details what was going on (medical emergency) instead of waiting for the video call (that never happened) to let X know? I thought it was alright to call at that time (11:30pm for X) because the day before, on Friday, X called me when it was 11:30 pm (for X). Now X is cold with me (again), I don't know where our relationship stands (again) and X said today ''maybe I am not the right person for you'' etc. Thank you for reading
It's up to you whether you need to continue to repeatedly put up with X's behavior. It's not about whether you did something wrong when you needed to get to medical care, it's about X controlling you and your relationship with them. It's never easy being long distance, even couples married for years find it difficult, but if X needed and wanted to be with you 100%, then they would be, regardless of their immaturity and a somewhat petulant attitude.
Your relationship stands where you allow it to stand, and while you allow X to manipulate you, you're never going to be happy and secure as you deserve to be and, most importantly, your child needs you to be happy and secure.
I do think you should have told him right off the bat that you were in the emergency room with your kid....I would have said...I wanted to let you know I can't make the video call
...I am in the hospital with my child....(son or daughter)...I will talk to you the next time we do video do you still want to do it tonight?
I don't know why you were vague with him....did you want him to think you were out doing something else? To make him feel jealous or to get some more inquiry back from him to see how hard he would work?
Because then you randomly come home and call him when it is very "late" for him...and possibly he was tired (I know when I talk on the phone before bed I am too wired up to sleep) so that is probably why he wanted to keep it to text and in my mind..why after all would I inconvenience myself when you didn't bother to tell me why you were OUT during the time you were supposed to be able to be meeting up with me for a video call...
I don't know you and i don't know if you are playing head games....but I think that is HOW he TOOK it and if that is how he took it, I can see why he took it that way....
You get me? Am I wrong?
And as an afterthought....you started the message off with he dismissed you several times.
If you want this to work with this person you have to let go of the PAST (you agreed to another chance).
And communicate effectively, openly and honestly.
How are you doing? Have you talked to him (lol)?