I can't believe he has gone this far and blocked me
We got together in 1992 for 3 years but split up and he married and I was in a relationship with someone when those were done we got back together and he moved in after a year he cheated with someone younger so we split again and when that ended we got back together again but I couldn't forgive him so he finished it for good last year but we remained friends and got on well talking every day all day and ended up sleeping together..He lives at his mums for now as she has dementia 3 weeks ago we argued and he said I had no compassion and he ended it for good even as friends, now I can see he has blocked me on phone calls and wattsapp..I'm upset that hes done this after all our history..He emailed last week saying it's for the best and in a few months we can maybe be friends..Not sure I want to be now..Thoughts?
Men can't take as much stress as us women can...
I KNOW he has put you thru too much stress.
My Father just died of dementia this year. This is the worst situation anyone can be in...I can't explain to you how draining, confusing, difficult, heartbreaking it is to watch one of your parents revert back into being 10 years old where they can't eat alone, sleep alone, go anywhere alone it gets worse and worse, they can't dress alone, they can't bathe alone, they need diapers, they stop walking, talking eating....this is a really, really stressful situation...And that is why I wanted to say..."guys can NOT take stress" or they CAN but one thing at a time is all they can focus on.
I figure you two were having so many problems that he can not handle having his brain on anything else right now (cause he is a guy and because his MOTHER is a handful...Ipromise you that)....So be compassionate....step back for a minute....Yes, you were the one done wrong in the relationship...When you said he said you "have no compassion" that hurts..and hurt you....but it was probably what he felt in the moment...being snappy about whatever you two were talking about...It is one sentence...seems he can not handle ANY conversation right now without snapping and so he is blocking probably not only you but ANYONE who is not either helping with his Mother...or completely worrying about HIS needs because he doesn't have the strength to worry about anyone else right at this second since he so new to this siutation of living with his Mother.
you weren't in a relationship with him ...not really...it was a "situationship"...and right now his situation is priority...guys do one thing at a time..Possibly when he gets used to his new routine with his Mother he will be able to think a little bit more clearly and I bet he will call you after about 2 more weeks..if you just stop stressing about it and BELIEVE THIS is not about YOU...I truly believe it is not about you BUT that your "energy" and his "energy" were making his situation harder...so you are blocked "for now" is what I think.
Try to take care of yourself...and try not to feel discarded...I don't think you have been.
Thankyou so much for your thoughtful answer...Yes I do believe he is stressing as he was not happy with the situation he is in and I feel I added to it..I did apologise but it didn't make any difference...we have been through a lot so I automatically think the worst of him...I'm not going to do anything and see what happens. 🙂
Your welcome...And good your not going to bother him...because you can push too far and he will just move on to the next....HE WILL contact you ...give it a couple weeks...Because he will wonder why you are not acting like your normal self (guessing,...acting hurt, disregarded, seeking his attention via a text, phone call or snap chat)...You changing the way you approach this situation will make him curious.
But if you keep PUSHING...he will really, possibly just get to a "done" point where he doesn't think he can ever satisfy you.
Men need to "satisfy"..."help"...make their person happy and they really don't realize they are needing to do that for their person...it is just a primal difference between men and woman...you should get the book its an old book "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" it is a very interesting book about the difference between how males and females handle situations, moods, etc....
Men "retreat" when there is a problem...If you ever noticed...you can send a very lengty text or email to your person and get NO response that used to URKE the crap out of me....until I read that book....they need time really to contemplate...they also don't LIKE reading really long messages so if you could get your points across (when you start talking to him again) in short messages...you will get quicker responses...They "operate" differently is the bottom line.
Just know this person has been in your life since 1993..he is not just going to FORGET about you (I know it feels that way because I recently went thru something similar) and I myself could not WAIT 2 weeks to contact my person either...LOL....But I did wait a week! So go as long as you can go...If you want him in your life....act differently than you used to with the "contact" methods...act uninterested for now...and then see how far you can go....if you get the urge in a week...I would send..just thinking about YOU and your situation....and hope you are doing ok....you will get a response and a better one than if you sent a message that said...
I can't believe you have not called me...you are a blankety...blank...blank....
Men like it to be about THEM too and they like to be able to "help" us women...they don't like to HEAR they are hurting us in anyway....Once your back together you can talk to him about ways you were feeling but not linger on those topics for so long...get them out in the open some sort of resolution and move on...stop looking back to the past...and remember you only have the present moment.
This is WORK...I totally know this...I was with my person yesterday and I found something in a "general" bag in his work truck..the bag is used by about 6 guys...I automatically assumed the "condom" in there was his....WHY did I assume that? Just because I am cautious and on edge, etc...but he hasn't done anything for me to really accuse him of that condom being his...so I did something different than I usually would have done...I usually would have said OK..who put this WORK bag together? And would have asked him if it was his! I thought it thru...we were having a great day...there was no reason for me to bring it up...he loves me or we wouldn't be together and he was clearly happy to be spending time with me the last couple of days...So I just didn't mention it...and I resolved it in my MIND...that he is with ME...and I have no good reason to be insecure right now....So I didn't mention it and the day continued to be wonderful.
Your going to miss talking to him everyday like you were, you will have waves of panic and insecurity....but it is you who controls how this relationship will go depending on how you act and your reactions....You ALSO have to talk to YOURSELF and see if you CAN forgive this guy for any past regressions...because if you don't and can't TRULY forgive him...than your always going to have a dynsfunctional relationship where you are always waiting to "attack" him...and attacking our men is not going to work in our favor...If you can't forgive him...like really cant than you have to get strength to MOVE ON. If you can forgive him than change the way you interact with him as IF you have forgiven him.
I hope it works out the way you want it to...for right now...get your mind healthier...realize you are probably the "best" relationship he has ever had and will ever have..but us woman can certainly wreck that....Start from scratch when you talk to him again and really forgive him and it will work out..don't be expecting the next problem to occur....expect that it will be better and different...Of course don't put up with more crap...but start over and forget the past if you can...and it will be better for BOTH of you.
Yes I think you're right and I do react terrible sometimes and then regret it after and iv probably pushed him away so many times but hes always come back it's my insecurities that have led to that with him ..I miss the communication more than anything we would talk constantly on a daily basis but for him to block me is what's bothering me that's out of character for him...But i cant let that take over my life as its driving me mad keep wondering why...But again thank you for your kind words you really have made me feel better..
I'm here with you because I know exactly how you feel...I've been doing this back and fourth with my X for the last 7 years...and recently he didn't talk to me in 8 days and i was broken and felt worthless..and watched alot of videos and had a lot of counseling sessions with my therapist that has brought my self esteem up just enough...to "pretend" this doesn't bother me...although it kills me....and try to have some "respect" for myself...
In reality everything my therapists say and anyones therapist would say in our situation is our value is important too...and they do value us...thats why they keep coming back....and that "I" have to believe in myself that I am valued...and if it doesn't end up that i am with the man I want the attention from...than eventually I will get used to it...I felt tortured in that 8 days that is why I did contact him..
But I noticed now that I am talking to him again (only 3 days)...everything that read and was told (which I transferred to telling you)...is true...he will miss you if you don't contact him...if we keep contact they don't get the chance to miss us we just push them further away...cause we "scare" them...and we can be very stressful.....LOL.....Its ok we are that way...but we do cross lines...So lets ACT like we are grown up and have some value and like we don't NEED THEM to validate ourselves.
One more thing my therapist told me which has helped ME is to treat myself like I would treat him.....
If he was hurting or hungry...i would do something to relive those things..give him his favorite food or take him for a walk....I was able to make myself get up off my chair and get myself some watermelon the other day because I said to myself I would do that for him....instead of me getting up and getting some more COFFEE which makes me feel sick cause I smoke too much....LOL...I was proud for getting the watermelon and treating MYSELF well...since I didn't feel like anyone else was....These little things...make me stronger...trying to avoid contact and let him be the first to contact if possible...really DOES make them wonder WTF?? LOL...And also little things....I'm here..your not alone.
And..how is the no contact going? And how are you doing?