Boyfriend refuses to have sex when I want to, but I jump when he asks
KAGUYA - Sep 20 2020 at 02:05
My boyfriend doesn’t really want to have sex with me anymore. We are a BDSM couple as well, so spicing it up even more would mean killing each other in bed. I have sex with him whenever he wants. But when I ask him when IM horny he always makes up an excuse. What do I do?
Why is this even a question? I don't want to be with anyone who is rejecting me period...I mean I can see once in a while not wanting to have sex at the same time and that is not an issue...but if you feel you are being rejected most of the time than why do you even stay with this person?
Are you afraid you will not find another "BDSM" partner? So you stay, willing to be rejected?
I would immediately STOP jumping at his requests for sex...
And you will not DIE if you do not have sex...but your soul will die if you continue to stay with someone that rejects you.
There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Sometimes relationships work out for the long haul and sometimes they just don't work....You can't force a relationship to work....You shouldn't want to be in a relationship where you are not satisfied or where you feel rejected.
Many people seem to stay in relationships that are not good for them for too long because they are afraid they will not find someone else or they become so dependent on a person that they have forgotten who they are without that person.
These are not good reasons to stay in a relationship....
You ask what do you do? You tell this person that you feel this relationship has run its course and you would like to remain civil to each other until you take whatever steps need to be taken to get yourself in a stable living situation and away from this partnership.
Okay I’m old school here and have no clue what BDSM is? But I have a feeling it is uncomfortable for you? Someone like him sounds like it’s all about control and that will never change or make you happy. And as you get older (like me) that sex and control never work. I was with my husband 30 years even had sex when I was going through serious health issues but he didn’t care it was all about him. Life is all about choices, my friend it’s all about what you are willing to tolerate.. I loved my first husband so much that I did things that I regret. But I got two beautiful children from him but alas I left because our relationship turned toxic. I still love my first husband and probably always will but the marriage I have now is about respect. You need to feel you are complete, though you love this man is it what you really want or need? Make your choice about what is good for you. Love and respect should be given freely without having to ask for it constantly... good luck my friend take good care of you!
We have to create actual definitions in order to know what we believe in. We have to power our will. Each of us have been given life to make choices that will support life.
The world and your experiences have defined what love is to you, and your life force has now learned to that it can feel power with some of your choices…. and it has taken over your life making it difficult for you to see other options or be free.
Find a notebook and take some time to gather all different kinds of thoughts and ideas that center around this one question. WHAT IS LOVE? A question that includes how should love feel, what do you love….
Clear your mind, connect to the 10 year old inside of you that was free to dream. When you have spent time thinking on your own look to resources like google image search ‘What is love’, watch films, listen to music. We are all on a quest to define ourselves and to define life.
Your current reality is tied in by ENERGY, you don’t know what feels good and what is just energy. Let me give you an example so that you can see. Imagine a bully at school making fun of someone, hurting them. They are ENERGIZED by this, it’s the ENERGY that feels good to them. The first few times they hurt people they feel remorse after, they know it was wrong, they feel bad. But with the practice of anything we get ‘better’ and better, it becomes easier and easier to do because we have taught ourselves that this is what life is, this is how we generate energy for ourselves.
WHAT HEALTHY WAYS CAN WE GENERATE ENERGY FOR OURSELVES? (Write and gather your thoughts)
ENERGY VS LIFE
ENERGY is just power that fuels us but then takes us away from who we are. We have to keep behaving in unhealthy ways in order to feel that power. We crave that power because we have had a taste of it.
LIFE is a good kind of energy and power that grows. It is power that wants to grow and because we are rooted with light there is natural cycle of growth within us. Life gives to us without taking anything away from who we are.
What are some examples of each? What are behaviours that give us ENERGY but not LIFE.? What are behaviours that give us LIFE? Its easy to see, what are some of the good things people do and what are some of the bad things that people do.
---Take a look at my response to “Need help to get my life back together”