I've (23F) been with this guy (28) for about 1.5 months. There have been little things that he has been saying casually or in a joking manner which sort of worried me but I'm not sure if they are "red flags".
1) He asked about my income and savings a few of times and each time I refused to tell him the details because it's irrelevant to me. He also (in a joking manner) asked me to cover more than half of bills that we may have ie dates as I earn more than he does. He has never disclosed to me how much he makes. I don't really care either.
2) After I agreed to be in a committed relationship, the outings to dinner and movies kind of stopped. We went out of town for a little weekend holiday but that was the most exciting thing we've done together since being together. I mentioned to him that maybe we need to be more romantic. Dinners and movies out, dating ect. Otherwise we're stuck in a routine of just cooking dinner at his place everytime we see each other. He said something along the lines of " I got you now, I can relax". Also said in a casual and joking tone of voice. Despite the fact that I am happy to split bills and he knows that.
3) I don't mean to sound like a spoiled princess, but during the time that I've been with him, there were no little gifts such as flowers that you might expect in early "honeymoon" stages of a relationship. I don't expect expensive gifts but it's nice when you're being treated occasionally and you treat them back.
4) he expects me to tell my friends that he is my bf but wouldn't tell his friends or family about me. He was keen to meet my family early on and he has met them. A couple of times that we bumped into his friends, he wouldn't introduce me at all. I was just like on a sideline.
5) On the topic of gifts and dates out, from early days I noticed that he would recieve parcels from online shopping almost every week, but would tell me how he is struggling to budget and maybe how I should pay more than him.
I didn't bring up the financial and gifts part of this rant because I don't want him to think that that's all I want. But I just feel like I'm not dating a boyfriend but rather a friend. I can buy s*** for myself, that's not a problem, but being in a relationship, I do have a desire to be treated to these things occasionally without having to ask.
I have feelings for him but I am also trying to process the situation as objectively as possible because if that's how it's going to continue to be, I can't see a potential future with him. Or am I being too harsh?
Any advice or perspective would really help.
I don't understand why you are questioning your OWN "gut" feeling...you say "I can't see a potential future with him".....
So why do you want people to tell you that you are too harsh? 1.5 months is like nothing..no time really and you are already mentioning so many red flags..he is asking about your finances, asking you to pay more because you make more, you feel distanced from his circle of people, your needs are not being met, you do not feel appreciated.
I would be having the conversation with him today that after some thought about how the relationship is going... I would be saying something like this: I am positive that we do not have future together for various reasons that I do not think are worth going thru one by one because I have realized our relationship is not "ideal" for me.
Lilypad...you are 23...I know you might feel like you should have your life partner by now (because i have a son that is 31 and is freaking out that he has not found his life partner) but that does not mean that you should settle....Your clearly "disturbed" by many aspects of your current relationship. Typically, in the first year of dating people are so infatuated with their "person" they don't even see the red flags...You are seeing the red flags in month 1.5.....and clearly this is not the "person" you should be wasting your energy on. I understand being lonely, bored...wanting to have a partner...But, having the WRONG PARTNER can really damage your soul.
Please step out of this relationship so that you can find someone that you are a better fit with.
He was very honest about it. He told you “I’ve got you now, I don’t have to try anymore.”
He’s not going to put any more energy into this relationship. Decide if this is how you want it to be because clearly it’s not going to get any better. In fact it’s only going to get worse about you not having your needs met. Most disturbing is how he discounts you in front of family and friends.
Tell him that things are just not how you thought they were going to be and you need to move on. Expect him to all of a sudden wake up and start plying you with presents and attention , but be very careful because this will be only temporary.
Good luck and take care of yourself