Lost, confused and hurt
Recently my husband and I have been going through a rough patch. I earlier this summer found him messaging other women non-explicitly; saying things such as I could kiss you , or how he could ride his Harley over to see this other woman. Both of these messages were to two different women. I’ve confronted him and asked him how he’d feel if the roles were reversed. He was remorseful and begging me to not leave. So I stayed thinking it wasn’t going to happen again.
My husband has always told me without trust there is no love , without honesty there is us. Recently we got into a big fight, I said things I regret however I took some time away and during this time away I found out he sent pictures of his “hammer” to my wedding photographer. I confronted him about it and his initial excuse was he didnt remember sending it, he later than blamed it on his steroid use. I later that day found out he unblocked the woman he sent the pictures too ( I remember him telling me he blocked her cuz she was posting weird stuff on fb) and confronted her about why she would start trouble and mention it to anyone for that fact.
Now we’re on a separation for A complete other reason. I’m just scared, we reconcile and go through counseling, I’m scared I may never be able trust him again. I don’t want to be that wife that always questions what he’s doing or where he is going. Help!
If your husband is not going to stay loyal and it's always going to be a question of trusting him, then your best bet is to leave and consider divorce, as hard as it sounds. It's all good to reconcile and attend counseling, but if your husband doesn't want to or have the need to, maintain his marriage vows, then you are better off by yourself, rather than having to constantly doubt yourself.
You deserve a man who will love and respect you and therefore a man who you can instinctively trust.
It is a problem and it is very hard to trust someone AGAIN. Its so hard when you thought you were "solid" and then find out you are not.
I do think you should try counseling first in this case because it sounds like he was somewhat remorseful..not denying and not blaming you for his indecencies..and if you don't feel like he is 100% in after the counseling...than the counselor will help you work thru the decision of leaving.
I don't ever want to live looking over my shoulder with my partner...We had a similar incident and I said to myself...Do I want to always be looking over my shoulder...We have some personal agreements in place to help me regain my trust...(Although, he was with someone when we weren't together but misleading me that he wasn't with anyone cause he WAS talking to me..so I called it cheating).
So FOR NOW...not always...I have access to his phone, he has to return calls to me within an hour if I contact him....and if EVER I feel necessary on any certain day...he will join the Family Locator app with me so I can see where he is at all times.....I won't do this forever...I just needed to know it was an OPTION that HE was OK with to prove to me that he really only wants Me and that he is truly remorseful.
Definitely you will feel uncomfortable until you get to counseling and start talking about your feelings with a third party.
And you will eventually know in your gut what to do...You should NOT be living looking over your shoulder or not feeling like #1.
He sent one because she started it apparently . It hurts so badly , he hid this for over a year of our marriage and expected to get away with it. I begged him not to make a fool of me , I didn’t want to be heartbroken as I was cheated on in my previous relationship with an emotional affair. And yet, here we are.