Don't know how to end my relationship...
WINTERGARDEN001 - Sep 23 2020 at 17:19
Okay so I'll try not to ramble but I've been in a 5 year relationship with a man whom I think I love but I cant stand to be touched, kissed nor be around him. It sounds awful, but the thought of having sex with him makes me cringe also. Why do I feel this way? I feel like I love him but is it more the thought of losing him?
I suppose when you've been with someone so long it's like losing a best friend. But the thought of ending it with him breaks my heart because I know he will just be devastated and I cant bare the guilt as he wont see it coming.. despite me refusing sex and beint kissed etc. I've tried to end it about 3 years ago and I couldnt due to feeling so guilty after he broke down to me.
The other hard thing that makes it difficult for me is that we have a mortgage and he's pretty clueless when it comes to it, as am I, so neither of us will have any clue how to get ourselves out of it. It's a 3 year fixed term and we're about 1 year in.
I just feel so overwhelmed with everything and miserable and I'm 23 and I just feel like there's more to life than feeling this way!
Any advice would be so helpful, just dont know who to turn to right now!
Thanks for reading!
No, no, no, no , no.
You can not stay with someone because you feel bad for them. I know this..cause I did stay with my x husband for 10 extra YEARS because I felt bad for him...thought he couldn't or wouldn't live without me (for real, I believed this)...when I finally did HAVE to leave him after 22 years...I was so "elated" ...and you know what HE is ok....
yes, my x was super hurt...and I felt like a piece of crap...but I was dying inside staying with him....and you are dying inside (if you can't stand him touching you at all)...You can't do this...you can't stay...
So be brave..and tell him you gave in because he broke down 3 years ago and you wanted him not to hurt, you still don't want him to hurt, but that you are hurting and you need to be alone right now...and yes, he is going to lay the drama on because he is going to panic...but remember IT WILL PASS...repeat to yourself "HE CAN LIVE WITHOUT ME"....and build the strength to tell him.
You are doing him a favor...and doesn't he deserve someone that DOES love him? He can't find that if you stay in the picture....look at it as you are holding him back from finding true happiness....and its just obvious you are holding yourself back from happiness.