Hi my husband has been working away now for 6 years it was only suppose to be short term but 6 years has passed and he is still working away. We have two kids and I work a full time job. I have ask him a year ago to please try and get something closer to home as I am struggling to do it all. With the kids getting older and they are wanting to do a lot more activities I feel like I’m forever on the go and now my husband announces he’s going to work Saturdays as well 🙈 This is putting a lot of strain on our marriage and I’m now feeling he just wants to be the weekend dad and im really starting to resent him. Any advise appreciated
Have you told him that 6 YEARS is a very long time and have you asked him why he doesn't have the desire to be around with you and his kids?
This is weird...this is not a marriage.
You know this..right?
So..he carries the husband title and you the wife title but he is not willing to make changes for his family....to be there for his wife and kids?
What would you tell someone else to do if they asked you this question? What would you tell your best friend to do?
That is what you should do...whatever you would advise someone in your situation to do...and if it is too blurry for you because you are "in it"...I will tell you what I would tell my best friend:
I would say:
You are in this alone and have been for 6 years....and now he took more on at work...to cause more distance. "Kipper" you deserve to be loved, respected...your kids deserve to have an attentive Father...and he is setting a horrible role model example for what a "marriage" looks like. You both are basically single...only your a single Mother..I hope he is sending a BIG chunk of money home to help you and his kids. But also I would tell you ...if you talk to him and he can't find a job closer to you and the kids...or a way to do his current job at home (people have gotten real creative with COVID -19)...If he can't make some sacrafices. I would tell you to mail him some divorce papers.
I am sorry
This situation is not good for you or the children...Its only good for him...he is a single bachelor doing whatever the heck he wants...far away from his family....He has wasted your precious time on this planet.
I would get a private investigator.
Not for drama, just so that I could know what I need to do.
6 years is too long for there to be remedies. If he is cheating I would get a lawyer. I would move houses and start over with my children.
I would focus on RAISING children and my OWN LIFE, what my interests are, what my abilities are and focus on building my self esteem back up.
One day you will be radiant... and a man will want you all for himself, all day, every day.
You don’t mention how old You both are. Is he at the age where he is trying to build his career? Or is he working for someone else ? Does he see this extra day is going to add a substantial amount to his income? What kind of a job does he have where he must work six days a week away from the home?
Many marriages survive when one of the spouses has a traveling job and is away from the home. My sister-in-law lived for many years while her husband was sent all over the world. The problem was when he came home there was no space for him and the whole family felt as though he became an intrusion instead of a father or husband. He is now retired, the kids are gone, and the two of them travel quite a bit. But she still has some resentment.
You need to sit down with your husband and let him know what is happening with you. That you are getting exhausted from all this responsibility and he seems to drop in like the Disney dad.
Tell him you are going to start hiring out some Help in the form of a housekeeper, nanny, babysitter, laundry, or whatever other rules that are exhausting you. Heck, even hire a cook. If he’s going to leave you like this with 100% of the responsibilities, then you need to have some help.
Seek marriage counseling about this issue. The first thing is to take care of yourself and make sure your needs get met.