What have I done wrong
There are two guys, one’s name is Emmanuel and one is Evan.
I did a yolo on snapchat where I got a lot of messages and it turns out theres a lot of guys out there that like me, which is strange. I got out of my comfort zone and started opening up as a flirty person, that no one thought of me as before. Well, both Emmanuel and Evan hmu after wards.
I knew Emmanuel for 2 years now, ever since we met a xc camp and he confessed hes liked me all this time, which is crazy since I also have had feeligns for him too. Only thing is that he went to another high school and he graduated last year and is going to UW this fall.
Evan, I have known since middle school, he does not have the best reputation from middle school, but he is so sweet.
So, I have been talking to them both, and Emmanuel and I want to date when I turn 18 in a year. Between then and now he said he was fine if I date in between.
Evan and I have started hanging out, and we are pretty good friends and I know he has feelings for me, and I have some feelings for him.
I was conflicted what to do, and I found out Emmanuel is going to wait for me till I’m 18, but we both acknowledge that things can come up and if we find someone else while still having feelings, we would tell eachother. So, I told him about Evan, and he said he was for me to try it out because he does not want to be the obstacle.
Some of my friends say to have fun while I wait for Emmanuel while others say you cannot have a relationship with someone if you are constantly thinking of someone else.
So Evan and I hung out, and Evan wanted to know if I could be his girlfriend, I’ve been feeling so conflicted and so I told him I just wanted to be friends and he was hurt but said it was okay. Now he really likes one of my friends that he has liked on and off for the last few years, and I help him out with advice and I feel a little jealous but like idk why since I was the one who said no.
I told Emmanuel that I am going to wait 100% for him, and that I turned down Evan. He told me he was glad I figured it out, and that the only reason he did not say no to me dating other guys was because he was scared to hurt me. He said he really likes me, and I believe him.
He moved into his dorm the other day, and since then we have not talked a whole lot. He's meeting a lot of new people and starting a new chapter in his life. We're in two different worlds, college vs. junior in highschool, which is only 2 years but it feels so much more. I am scared that hes going to find a college girl, and Evan is going to be with my friend, and now I am not going to have anyone. Did I make a huge mistake?
I don't think you made a mistake...I also think it is just normal to get a little "jealous" when Emmanual...is liking someone else that quickly after you turned him down...maybe he wasn't a good choice to begin with...doesn't seem like he really "tried" to win you over....LOL....and that might "sting" a little bit.
Evan...may very well meet someone else but that just means he wasn't the "guy" for YOU...Everything happens for a reason..I'm sure you have heard that before and you will find as you get older and older that everything happens for a reason....Who knows maybe you haven't heard from him as much because he is serious about his education and trying to get acclimated. Do you know him as the type of guy that just wants to sleep around and have fun (I would hope you wouldn't be attracted to that type of dude)....
You never KNOW...you could be coming down the corridor one day in school and run into a guy that you get the heart flutters for..and you will forget all about Evan and Emmanual...And you could end up being the one putting the "brakes" on the relationship you want to have with Evan....you just never really know what is going to happen....You can't know...
You have made decisions...(not to pursue Emmanual..and to be honest with Evan)....All you can hope for is the same honesty in return from Evan.
I would suggest the next time you do talk to Evan if you really like him....do not be so focused on you two being in a relationship because you are not in one at this time..but focus more on what is going on in his daily life on campus, is college hard? Is he having fun? As time goes on you will get a gut feeling as to what he is up to if anything....
But, you can't dwell on him daily....you have a life to live...he is far away...I hope it works out for you two...and if it doesn't now...who knows it may work out years from now after you both have many more experiences you could search each other out one day and live happily ever after.
Whatever is meant to be will be....and you can't know what that will be until it happens.
When I like someone, I go all in. Life is but a dream.
When I have a boyfriend, I am married to him, being with him today is just like being with him when we are 80. I mean that I am COMMITTED, in my own little world with the man I love. People have all kinds of problems with the transition between relationships and marriage because they feel they need to change, but a marriage is supposed to be a CELEBRATION of what has grown between you.
Choosing a partner is to choose who you want to believe in. What we believe in becomes a part of us. Who do you want to enjoy yourself with, who is going to connect with your conscience and not take it over? Who do you want to learn with? Who do you want to define what life is with? Who inspires you to be the best you can be and who do you want to support and inspire to be the best they can be?
Having a boyfriend is a MENTAL experience, and it’s an experience that trains us to be able to manage ourselves, support one another, and manage life together.
"And manage life together" those are just four words on the screen but we have to realize what that REALLY means. Through discussing books, art, news, school subjects, music, self reflection, film…. we are all meant to be in discovery and definition of what life is, what we need, and what we want for ourselves.
What are we practicing? What are we training our minds to do?
When we are in love with one person we are practicing…..
To be committed
To believe in someone
To build ideas
To create a path for ourselves so we can follow with our dreams
To understand our man
To understand ourselves so that we can articulate ourselves to our man
To understand one man on deep levels is to understand the roots of men
To see a man for the best that he is to bring out the best that he is and that is what he desires
Generating and enjoying the energy created by truly loving someone
When we are balancing two different guys we are practicing...…
Getting into the habit of feeling uncomfortable, knowing we are not being committed.
Confusion because we don’t know how we feel
Confusion because we are conflicted inside
Being sneaky because we are not being honest and fair to someone
Lying to ourselves and losing our center of balance
Wasting our energy that spent trying to manage conflicting ideas and unable to generate energy
To love someone is to understand them and it takes time because we are so dynamic. There is so much in us, so many sides to our characters, so much potential…. and so much to be ignited and discovered within each of us.
Your boyfriend is your baby and your king it doesn’t look like you are practicing that belief with anyone.
What we practice becomes us. It effects US. Your thoughts effect YOU. Your words effect YOU. Your actions effect YOU…. more than others.
We are kind of like computers…..we are writing our own code.
When things go wrong in any kind of relationship it is often that one person moves on because they were in control of their words and their actions that were true to who they are, or they are in just as much confusion but because they weren’t the cause of it… they are free.
We have to understand ourselves and we have to help our loved ones understand themselves. IT TAKES PRACTICE.
Our past Prime Minister Jean Chretien’s wife recently passed away and in a news article it said that she was a powerful support to the Prime Minister, that he often looked to her for advice. He has a castle full of advisors but only a woman that truly loves a man has the power of perspective that a man needs sometimes.
There is a checklist to life and being married is one of those checks. We pick a mate and we go all in, we rely on our partner so that we can carry out the rest of our checklist.
People are bored and without perspective, we don’t understand that marriage is a pillar, a staple meant to hold our lives together. Instead people focus on the relationship creating drama’s that take us away from our focus that should be on LIFE and the plan to support each other and each others mission to improve LIFE ON THIS PLANET. Some become teachers hoping to inspire students to become leaders, some pursue construction to help design a sustainable future, some pursue politics, law, health care….. to help support lives so we can live healthier and happier lives and radiate positive energy.
Mental preparedness is replaced with confusion, we are practicing… confusion.
We need to practice truth and solidarity.
I am so deeply in love with someone, and THAT is my experience. THAT is what I practice.
I spend my time, dreaming, understanding, believing in him.
If it doesn’t work out… I walk away with the most powerful experience of my lifetime. I walk away with developing a habit of understanding men. I walk away with the power of being able to understand myself and articulate myself to others……… I walk away with my light stronger than it was before I chose him.
You are 18 years old… I’m not saying jump into a committed relationship, I’m saying pick someone to love in your heart and grow that love. This is the time to dream and create definitions of what you want in your partner, and definitions within yourself, paths that will lead you in the ways that you have lead yourself through practice.
People play games to see what is on the table, but anything CAN be on the table…. true love inspires the best of everyone. Be honest and be loving to those you care about. That doesn't mean that you have to put all of your cards on the table, it means that you are honest with yourself and you don't lie to others. We often feel like we have to have answers and we end up picking one just because we are faced with a question but that takes us further away from our center. Its okay to not know how you feel.... take your time. There is a lot of dishonesty and darkness in the world, you NEED YOUR CENTER of truth, your balance so that you can sense and take the time to believe in who you can and can not trust.