For context, my partner and I are relatively young adults so like early 20s and we've been dating for a little over 2 years. The ex friend in question is in their mid 20s and came in contact with us through internet communities. So for context, I have depression and anxiety and it gets really bad sometimes because of lack of access to medication/therapy and I live in an abusive household where a lot of trauma occurred. My depression was increasingly getting worse and I was getting su*cid*l a couple weeks ago. My partner also struggles with mental health issues, and has had many outbursts before as well and sometimes we aren't able to completely be there for each other.
However, during my downward spiral my partner kept sending screenshots of essentially my mental breakdowns to this ex friend for advice. Screenshots in which yes, I was the a-hole and being passive aggressive, pushing my partner away, etc. and I am not excusing this behavior even if my deteriorating mental health can explain it (my partner apologized for sending those screenshots later). Note, I am not like this all the time and I have apologized to my partner for what I said during those outbursts. Point is, this friend kept telling my partner to break up with me, telling them I was toxic and abusive, telling them I was attention seeking or trying to trap them in a relationship, telling them to ghost me when I was very much on the verge of su*cid* and saying how they deserve none of this.
My partner has never ghosted me while I was suicidal before any of this so when they hung up on me when I screamed out "I WANT TO D*E" because I kept saying it before but didn't feel listened to (I had to call a hotline because of this). My partner said they hung up on me because my scream scared them and I apologized for that, but I just felt so so alone and abandoned in that moment. This friend essentially told my partner that I was pulling the "su*cid* card" and to focus on fixing our relationship before helping me in a life or death situation.
My partner and I talked everything out after another very serious incident occurred, but the thing is that they were still on friendly terms with this friend after I expressed to them how uncomfortable I was with the friend and how much it hurt to read those things about me/beginning to believe that I indeed was such an awful person. I even left the community this friend is in so that I don't see them anymore. I don't want to be the controlling/abusive partner the friend made me out to be by asking my partner to stop communicating with them. We've talked about this and they said that I wasn't being unreasonable, but they have been in abusive relationships before where their ex isolated them and I don't know if they're saying it because of that. So reddit, AITA for wanting my partner to completely cut communication with this ex friend?
I forgot to remove the reddit part oh no...I tried posting this there but it was too complicated for me to understand.
Your really uncomfortable with him communicating with this person.
If you laid the law down that you don't want him communicating with her...and he still does...
Than you have to make other arrangements for yourself to leave the relationship rather than fight about this if he is not going to stop the communication.
there is a REASON they are NOT together...there is no romantic thing there.
You don't always want to be looking over your shoulder.
You don't feel secure in this relationship if you are worried about him talking to ANYONE.
Should you be in a relationship with this person if you don't feel secure?
So he either cuts the communication to make you feel secure or if this "relationship" is important to him...he explains to you the reasons why and you accept it and start feeling secure about it.
Or you have to move on from this partner.