Girls: Would you date a best friend?
Hey girls. Please give my your honest opinion on what you'd like a guy to do. Thank you so much. :)
I've known her since Jan of 2016. We were always good friends, but not SUPER close (This is all during High School, we're currently both 18)
Jan 2019, I joined her friend group (all girls, but I typically get on better with girls). Her and I grew very close now. But then I got feelings for her and asked her out in Feb. She said no, but my approach was off. I just lacked confidence. Asking her out really didn't affect our friendship though, we remained close. However, I left her group in April 2019, because there was drama there. As a result, we drifted as of April 2019, and I also moved on from her. But we were still fairly close friends.
But then in October of 2019, I rejoined her friend group (which was now just her and her best friend - girl). When I joined her and her best friend, one of my close friends (a guy) also joined the group. The four of us just got on so well with each other. No filter between us; nothing. We just have a good understanding of each other.
Feb-June of this year though, I had this crush on another girl at our school, and my current crush knew about it. I had some hard times with her and I ended up venting to my current crush, so I think she knows a bit too much about my insecurities now. But in venting to her, she told me that things have slowly been falling off between her and the girl in our group (her "main" best friend) and she's said that I'm practically her best friend now.
I worked on myself and moved on from the other girl. Then in August, my crush had a bad case of Covid and I made sure to comfort and check up on her via Whatsapp. I was just doing my "friend duty", especially given that she said it seemed like I was the only one who cared. But in the midst of all of this I got strong feelings for her and I still have them now. Should I just tell her? We finish High School in a month and have plans to meet up afterwards (as friends), so I don't know now.
My main concerns is that she knows what a mess a was with the last crush, and throughout High School, I've had a crush on 4 other girls, and she knows about all of them.
Thank you so much :)
I worry because she has already rejected you one time that you may be rejected again.
It sounds to me that she looks at you as a "best friend"...and once I as a female put someone in the "friend zone" I can't take them out of it...because if I put them in the friend zone in the first place it means I had no "attraction" to them. Even if you think it was because you lacked the necessary confidence at the time you asked her originally....if she was physically attracted to you the level of confidence you had while telling her that you were attracted to her wouldn't have mattered....she would have jumped at the opportunity to start a relationship.
I do think you will get hurt if you approach her and tell her again. However, if you can accept that might happen...you should take the chance and tell her and ask her again if she ever "sees it" with you? It could however make your current relationship awkward...I remember a girl...I'm a girl...I worked with had a major crush on me...I had no idea...i went to her with all my problems, we hung out, we had lunches and dinners together (she even had a girlfriend).
She wrote me a letter one day telling me how strong her feelings were for me asking me if I would ever feel the same..she left it on my desk at work.
I was DEVESTATED because I knew I did not feel that way for her...If I HAD felt that way...she would have known I would have made advances, comments, etc.
We remained friends...but I had to tell her...I never had feelings for a girl...and only thought of her as my best friend...it changed our friendship to less lunches, less outings and made it more awkward.
I'm sure she regretted telling me, I know she was embarassed...cause she told me...it just made everything weird.
If I were you I would accept that nothing will come of this relationship and really work on accepting that.
Or you can tell her...get it off your chest...if you think you can't let it go...but be prepared for the relationship to change in an awkward way...that is what I think would happen :(
If I told you that you were insecure you would be offended.
But what does insecure REALLY mean?
It means that you don’t have the strength of your definitions backing you up.
Our youth is spent under our parent’s care, they take care of all of the responsibilities needed to support us. We have FREEDOM, time and space to define WHO AM I? and WHAT IS LIFE?
Other than achieving good grades in school so that you can get the job that will support the life of your dreams…. you should be focused on DEFINITIONS. That means making lists to gather your ideas, it means having experiences that create the paths in your mind that start out as stepping stones and turn into super highways, automatic pilots.
Crawl, walk, run, dribble the ball, shoot the ball, drills, lay ups, slam dunks. We create paths in our mind to be able to do what we want to do…. with practice.
What do you want to train yourself to do?
To answer that question, you have to ask yourself…What do I need to be able to do in life?
You are in training YOU HAVE TO BE YOUR OWN COACH (teacher) to lead yourself to victory, FREEDOM.
LOVE, love is one of the most important things in the world. If I asked you right now WHAT IS LOVE? You would barely have an answer. That is insecurity. Now what if I asked you to take a notebook and take your time gathering your thoughts and ideas about LOVE…. You will have something that is secure because it is inclusive of more ideas and therefore more of a reflection of truth. You will walk through life powered by your will and your knowledge that says that ‘this is love’ and ‘this isn’t love’. ‘ I need someone that is…’ and ‘ I need to be someone that is…’ ….. and so on.
Take this time in your life to BUILD yourself, so that you can live with the security of YOUR definitions.
If you don’t you will fall for someone else that has not defined what is important to them, leading you….(where)?
You want to know where you are going in life so that you have a better chance of getting there.
WHAT OTHER THINGS ARE IMPORTANT TO YOU THAT WILL SUPPORT YOU IF YOU DEFINE THEM?
- MY NEEDS
- SONG PLAYLIST FOR LOVE
- SONG PLAYLIST FOR MOTIVATION
- BOYS NIGHT OUT
- ARIANA GRANDS SWEETNER CD
- THE BEST RECIPIES I SHOULD MASTER
There are millions of possibilities, its all about WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU. What can you believe in? What supports your mind so that you can make the best choices?
You are young, the seeds are being planted and the paths are being created, you can let the world take over or you can get into the drivers’ seat.
Look at the top artists in the world, their art is designed to express definitions. Watch Zoolander, Bruce Almighty, FRIENDS, 70s show, Big Bang Theory, Evan Almighty, Joker, The Grinch, Johnny be Good, 47 Meters Down, Pinocchio …. there is an endless list here!
Musicians, Actors, Athletes and every successful person has their own art collection that they use to help support their definitions. We rely on art to keep us in line against a world that makes it increasingly more difficult to stay on track.
Get a notebook, a nice one, and build your mind in front of you.
Have fun with it!!! I do every day 😊
So what if she knows how you were last week, last month, last year . . .?
Do you think she's keeping a logbook of your faults and insecurities?
You are not the same person as you were before. That's all you need to tell her.
Continue the friendship but stop being her "best" friend. Be a little more of a mystery to her. Tell her you want another kind of relationship with her.
This COVID thing is messing things up enough. You can start a different relationship with her when you get to see her.