My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years. We have always been honest and open with each other about our feelings, even when it entails the other persons behavior. A big point of contention in our relationship has been selfishness. I have always felt that he takes more than he gives and is constantly asking for more than is being offered in the context of our relationship. We’ve spent a lot of time and energy working through this because he recognizes that my feelings mirror his feelings towards his mother and he may have picked this behavior up from her.
All of that being said, last week my husband did something that I might not be able to get past. After a few glasses of wine we decided to go outside and have a cigarette. As we were exiting our apartment building (standing between the entrance door and the security door) I noticed two men in the street. They looked drunk and sloppy which immediately set me on edge and it was 2:30 in the morning so I told my husband that going outside was was bad idea. He said we would be fine and started to continue outside but then one of the men noticed us and started stumbling towards the door. He changed his mind really quickly and started back up the steps towards me (I hadn’t moved from the security door) and he unlocked the door to let us inside.
So... my hand was in the still on the doorknob because I wasn’t feeling good about the situation so I opened the now unlocked door and he pushed me aside so he could move into safety first. Literally pushed me (not hard but urgently) to the side of the steps and turned his body sideways to get through the space between me and the entrance. He then rushed me through the door and closed it quickly behind us.
Now, I am not the type of woman that expects a man to protect her but I do expect my partner to 1. Think about my safety and 2. Not “trip me for the bear” so he can get to safety. This all happened with with 30 seconds.
I love my husband, that has not changed, but I know I will never forget this and I’m afraid that knowing deep rooted his self interest is will prevent us from moving forward. I’m truly sitting here contemplating whether or not we should have children because I don’t know if I would ever trust him to prioritize their safety over his own. Am I overreacting?
I think he should have shielded you or helped you enter first, then he would follow. Yes, he could have done better, however, I do no think it is something that you can never forget. It could have been done better, but it is not a massive unforgettable event in my opinion. There are many problems that life can hand you and if that is your biggest, then I think you are still ok!