For the past 2.5 years i've been with a girl who i've actually been madly in love with, she felt the same too as i know this.
It was the type of relationship where we'd see eachother every day and i was really close to her family and vice versa.
It was actually getting pretty serious as we'd started talking about a family and i was literally a month away from paying to take her to disney to propose to her.
Then we broke up, this lasted 2 months and then we ended up getting back together, a few months later we decided to move out and get our own place - which we did and it went great for 6 months. Then what happened is i had a week off work and i got annoyed that she'd worked every day and night in my week off so i had nothing to do, on the one night i went out with my friends i came back annoyed and told her that i didnt see her enough so i barely had any time to love her. This caused a huge argument which resulted in me ending up sleeping back at my parents.
We never properly resolved the argument and a week after we split she started talking to someone else and inevitably sleeping with them, which she openly told me. I asked for her back and she said no which meant that i couldn't be friends with her either because the pain was too much.
A few other things happened in between to do with harsh words being tossed around etc, but then it ended with me not speaking to her for a few weeks, i met someone new but couldnt bring myself to stay around because all i thought about was my ex. So i cut this new person off completely.
After a few days of constant thoughts i messaged my ex to see how she was, she said she was ok and no longer seeing this new person, instead she was just "casual" with the guy who lives in the place above her (our old place). I asked for her back and she said she cant because she's scared of being hurt again, i promised her i wouldn't hurt her but this isn't enough and she doesn't trust me, she says she's having too much fun being single. So again i said i can't be just friends and we didnt speak again for about a week.
Until last night, she text me saying she wants to talk about us and asking when i'm free. I'm so scared of being hurt by her again and she's asking me questions about who i've been with etc and telling me she's kissed someone that she's just started talking to - but why would she be messaging me if she's met someone new? I don't know what to do, i don't know if she actually wants to sort us out or just wants me to get hurt again and her rub my face in it. She know's i'd do anything for her too. She knows i can't just be friends too.
I've always had really bad trust issues with whoever i've been with, also it's a problem i have with my friends too, not just relationships - i find it hard to trust my friends with things i get told. So i'm worried i'd be paranoid about her and the guy upstairs if she did want me back, also the other guy she started seeing first time around is a regular customer in a pub she works in.
I'm really in love with her still, but am i just going round in circles if i get back with her, will things ever be the same?
It sounds to me you both don't know what you really want. Try not to let the little things bother you since they don't really matter.
I feel as if she was only experimenting what life would've been like without you, so she milked it for its worth and saw other guys when you broke up, but then realized that she wanted to be with you again after having her fun.
And in turn, with the behavior she's been having, she only wonders what you have been doing lately.
I can understand why you're afraid, but in the end, if you both talk it out and communicate your thoughts and feelings, basically WORK at the relationship constantly, only then will you both find a way to make it successful.
Tell her all your fears, doubts, worries, troubles, anything, and have her do the same.
It can only work as much as you make it work.