Confused as to why friends & family never show interest in my life
BOOKWORM - Oct 3 2020 at 16:55
Hello, I'm new here and this is my first post. I'll just jump in.
I have come to notice that my most of my friends and family members never ask me about myself, or my work, while I always make it a point to ask them about their lives, jobs, what's new, etc. They will, however, ask my husband all about his job and hobbies, should he happen to be with me, but most often they seem to forget to ask how things are going for me.
My initial explanation for this was that my line of work is not everyone's cup of tea, and neither were my degree programs (Religious Studies). I have worked very hard to complete my studies successfully and have become an entrepreneur of sorts to be able to continue my research/work. It's all a very exciting time, and thankfully I do have a few people who show interest, but even my husband has noticed that most of my friends/family just end up ignoring this very important part of my life. To give a concrete example, I've created a platform and podcast wherein I interview people about various topics that deal with my profession. I've done several of these interviews now, but no one in my family (save one Aunt and one cousin) has bothered to even listen to the episodes, and only one of my friends has listened. I have only received feedback from my Aunt, which was greatly appreciated, but it would have been nice to hear a 'hey, that's pretty interesting/cool/whatever' from someone. Professionally speaking, I have no issues with this - the feedback and interest is sometimes quite touching. I just wish the people close to me would show this same interest.
I'm very curious as to why this is happening, and feel very awkward trying to talk to anyone about this, as it comes across as if I'm being very self-centered. However, due to my lack of communication with anyone, I am starting to feel very isolated and almost rejected by my friends and family. While I do my best to reach out to others and show my concern for them, I sadly don't feel I get this is return. I would really like to share this aspect of my life, and feel connected with my family and friends. I have attempted to initiate discussion on several occasions, but get 'shut down' pretty quickly -- people just respond with a 'that's nice' and move on to other topics. Now I'm beginning to think this is my fault. What am I doing wrong? Is it wrong of me to wish to share my experiences with my family and friends? Or should I just realize that people don't really care about what I'm doing?
Good afternoon dear,
I have found that most people cannot show empathy or include certain family members. I believe this is in every relationship. My ex- husband whom I was with since I was 15years old we divorced on 2010 as he and his family would always keep me out of things going on within the families on his side. Usually my sister in law ( yea the family gossiper) would ask me what I thought about what was happening within my husbands side of the family. I would sit there with my mouth open saying, ‘when did this happen’? and should absolutely would get blown away thy her husband (my ex’s brother) would tell his wife everything and they never included me..you can bet they didn’t know about his physical and mental abuse... you need to sit your husband down and why his family is blocking you? Is this the religious aspect or is it her? They sound very rude and distant honestly I don’t think I would want to go around them. I bet they will want to find out why? So they would have to speak to you... that would be when I would mention their behaviour? And why are they so rude to you!
Thank you for taking the time to reply to my question. Sadly, it is not my husband's family that is doing this to me, it's my own. I'm probably one of the very few that have no major issues with my husband's family, and they generally are very kind to ask me how I am, and what I'm doing in my life. They also seem to genuinely be interested in what I have to say. I can't say the same for everyone in my own family, plus my circle of friends.
The thing that bothers me so much, I suppose, is that I have always been the one to take care of everyone else, and have put my own interests aside a lot of the time to make sure that others are happy. Years ago, I moved to another country to live and I don't see my family often now, and over the years, the communication has become less and less with most of them. I made a major change in my life and went back to university and got two degrees, started a business, and would really like to be able to share all of this stuff with the people I care about, but save for a few people, the majority shows no interest in that aspect of my life, nor any aspect, really.
Up until this point in my life, I've always thought that we were all so close, and had a really good bond. But for the past two years, the ignoring has become very evident, with my husband even noticing that my family especially never ask about me (save for my sister and aunt).
For example, I have also made a huge change in my life for the sake of my health, but when I offer to talk about the reasons why, no one (both from family and circle of friends) seems to even be alarmed that my health was so poor, nor do they ask how things are going now, nor do they even mention they notice a difference in me (I've lost a lot of weight). I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel like the outcast in my circle of friends and most of my family. I always ask how they are, but it's not reciprocated. It's as if they don't really care to know.
My question is, is it normal to expect the people who are supposed to love and care about you to show interest in your life, what you do, how you feel, etc., or is that too much to ask of others? There are thankfully a few people I can talk to about things, but the fact that my own mother, for example, doesn't reach out to talk to me about my podcast, or even listen to the episodes, is very odd to me. It's like I don't even exist anymore.
I can count on one hand the number of people from my circle of friends and family that ever ask me about myself. I make sure they all get birthday cards, or holiday gifts, or a personal note to let them know I think of them. But I rarely get anything in return. It's not that I expect it, and this is where everything gets tricky - I feel if I tried to say anything about this that it would all come off as me being incredibly self-centered - as if I am some kind of whiny child not getting her way. That's not it at all. I just feel ignored and neglected by just about everybody in my life. Is that normal?
Religion is a very touchy topic. The reason they are probably not addressing your podcast or your "life" is probably because they do not agree with your individual views on the topic. I don't think it means they dislike you or don't care about you...I think it is a taboo subject for most people and so because it is YOUR LIFE...they don't have much to ask of you.
I wonder if it is certain people that you want the attention from....I wonder if it is possible to have a personal conversation a 1 on 1...with each of "those" people and tell them what you said here...ASK THEM...What is it about me? I feel sort of like an outsider...you may gain some insight, even if you can find one person that you can trust in this family and friend circle.
Sometimes it is US putting out vibes...that we are "just great"..."life is great"....etc...that people don't feel the need to help or question how we are doing...Let someone know you are hurting and see what responses you get in return.
I don't think it is that they don't CARE about what you are doing, I think it has more to do with their own discomfort with the subject of religion. They can't relate to you, religion is believed to be JUDGMENTAL. So they might feel judged by you. I believe that religion just tries to define life and is therefor a part of our entire lives....but there is much more to you than your studies.
What are your other interests?
What is your definition of friendship? Gather your thoughts on this question, you will surprise yourself with what you come up with and it will help you define your interactions with others.
One of my definitions of friendship is that we 'share what works for us' so that includes products, places, people, art, songs, films... Learning, teaching sharing with one another brings us closer to one another.
Another definition is 'enjoying myself in the presence of others' it is important to just be yourself while others be themselves. People that believe in themselves are full of light that attracts others, whereas people that are feeling hurt and needy end up taking energy from others.
One of my favorite definitions is 'doing art together'. Set up a project for you all to to together, have a different and wonderful experience.
And always promote FREEDOM, the true and full (although Im always adding to the list) meaning of FREEDOM.
I just noticed your second post.
It’s them not you. You believe in yourself and they are insecure.
You’re lovely and vibrant and it intimidates them.
If you’re in religious studies you must understand the powers of negative energy that takes over people’s lives.
Solutions? Be honest with your mother and tell her you want her to feel better and free. Don’t take a religious tone but discuss the importance of POSITIVE FLOW OF ENERGY in our lives and our environments. Cleansing and protection are key. Cleaning the house, cleaning our body, cleaning our energy with steam, sage, and sea salts.
I often get the image of Peter Parker, Spider-Man growing the black entity over his body changing who is was.
That is what is happening to the world.
Zombie movies are all about people losing their connection to their conscious, their senses, their true nature... and falling into ‘energy seeking’ patterns of behaviours.
It starts with bad attitudes growing into negative lives radiating more negativity.
It’s up to you whether you want to help free her which also asks if she will let you help her. Or if you can find other creative ways to promote change in her life eventually helping her free herself.
The mind is a garden and hers needs tending to. Seeds come from all different places, who is she receptive to? Music, news, art, books, film and stories are powerful tools that have a way with people.
Our own stories are even more powerful, is there a way to remind her of a more loving and beautiful (inside)reflection of herself?