Is my boyfriend a control freak?
My boyfriend and I have been together for more than a year and we deeply care for each other. However there’s one thing that’s really consistent and that is from time to time he could be controlling and states his opinion even if sometimes that opinion comes off as being hurtful and or insensitive. I can go to a lot of examples but I suppose what just happened the other day is a good one. He really loves to golf through the entire year or even with cold weather.
He started teaching me to golf as soon as I met him over a year ago even though I wasn’t totally thrilled about it but I was willing to learn it because it’s something we can do together. Over the winter we didn’t go but then again this past spring as soon as the golf course is open to June that’s pretty much what we did every weekend weather permitting. Even on my birthday in late July he took me away on a golf vacation and yes we played golf all the days we were all three days we were there.
So yesterday it was nice weather and he said let’s go golfing. OK I went golfing and he just had bought me a new pair of golf clubs which is very lovely and generous but I don’t necessarily put it on my wish list. We were due to go to a dinner on the early side and even though we got started very early golfing I kept saying to him that we better leave by a certain time to get home and be ready. He said come on let’s just finish 18 rounds it will be OK. But I was a nervous wreck saying that we could be running late. We did manage to finish golf but a little bit late and had to rush home and barely had enough time to get ready to go to the restaurant. Once we got to the restaurant he sort of made fun of me and said oh you rushed me see I told you we would have plenty of time.
He’s a very loving and caring person but I do get concerned about his controlling nature because that has been prevalent since the beginning of the relationship and while I’m pretty easy-going it’s starting to get on my nerves a bit. When I suggested the restaurant yesterday he said you know this place is really expensive so I said don’t worry about it I’ll pay for it plus I would like to invite my adult son with us. Coincidentally, I already paid for the golf so he paid for nothing yesterday but I don’t count pennies so that I could let go.
Again this may not seem like a big deal but to me it’s an indicator of the need to control. I just intended to date him none of this would be a problem. Another example happened two weeks ago when I drove to his home out of state to spend the weekend up there. Once I got up there I suggested that perhaps we take a nice ride one of the three days I was up there add to a beautiful little area near his home. Instead he said come on let’s golf because the golf course is right around the corner from his home so we golfed two of the three days I was there and on the third day it rained anyway so I drove home mid afternoon. I understand golf has been a good activity given the pandemic but I do have a pool and like to swim so I only got him in the pool a few times this season. Rest the weekends we played golf even in the extreme heat. We played only nine holes almost all the time so it was somewhat doable. However, does that really excuse him or am I with somebody that will only do what he wants to do?
We all have to find what we can believe in, be alive in, flow with, generate our light our power with….
Your baby has found what gives life to him. The question I would ask is if there are other things that he can do to ‘flow with’. Its important to have balance in our lives, not rely on just one thing. Life is sooo wonderful that it offers so much. I would be concerned as to if my baby could be happier with wider horizons.
He has created a superhighway in his mind that believes in golf, so it has a magnet pull to it. It will take some time to cultivate new paths towards new activities. He will reject ideas at first but through experience he will start to enjoy them. THIS IS A SCIENCE, science of the mind. Its not a bad attitude, its not being stubborn, those are just the effects. I think that being honest is more powerful than trying to create dates or events with friends to try to subtly encourage him. I would share this letter with him and let him process it and decide for himself what he might like to try. You know him, what does he react to? What are his favorite films and what kind of activities are they doing in the movie that he might like to try? Make a list of some of the things that you think he would love to do and present them to him after he has considered change.
The thing with golf is it isn’t just a game. Its in NATURE and nature is the most powerful connection we can have. Nature has a cleansing effect on our spirit keeping negative energy out and away from us. Is his job demanding and does he have to work with other people? We are all at war, it is light against darkness, truth against lies, purity against pollution…. positive energy against negative energy. What helps us BREATHE and process, neutralize, relax, rationalize life…. for him I think it is golf. It’s become as necessary as taking a shower.
So, I might let him be a big baby… especially if he is a good man. I would be a bit firmer about what we do on my birthday. When we do golf together, I would enjoy the landscape and connect to my true nature. And… I would pursue the things that I love to do without him.
Even just connecting to you and your letter I feel like watching some films, but you in the position of being in love with a golf enthusiast should watch BAGGER VANCE, TIN CUP, HAPPY GILMOUR and other films so that you can connect to what your love is experiencing.