Should I wait or should I forget?
DEADEYES - Oct 20 2020 at 19:44
So I confessed to my bestfriend after 5 years, as I couldn't keep my feelings in anymore. And to my surprise, she felt the same way. We started talking a lot more, but after 2 weeks or so, I found out my other friend likes me too. This was hard because these two girls were bestfriends. We eventually talked to her about us having feelings for each other and things started to go smoother once again, or so I thought.
I'll be using “friend A”, as a way to refer to the girl I like, while “friend B”, for the other girl that likes me. So from there friend A and I started talking and hanging out more, it kept going for 2 months or so. But sometime later, it started feeling different, she always seemed so out of it. I then found out it's because she gets insecure of herself that I might fall in love with someone else, which is something I didn't want her to think. I love her, she's perfect in my eyes, It's hard to talk to other girls without comparing how perfect she is. But there's just those types of people that needs a lot of reassurance and I understand that. So let's not judge people for feeling those kinds of things.
But moving on to the story again, she told me about her feelings on how she feels like she's so possessive and how it could ruin the relationship, just like her past ones. But honestly speaking, when it comes to a relationship, only one person willing to make a change won't do any good. It needs to be from both sides, right? I reassured friend A that every thing would be alright and that it'll work out somehow. Things just started becoming worse from there, friend B hasn't moved on yet, so there's still that cold awkward air around the three of us. And I guess.. It got too much for friend A to handle, she told me recently that things might not work out and that we should call it quits, but it's so hard for me to. I'm not sure if I can drop me feelings after it became so strong. I'm so lost on what to feel. It just feels so heavy in the chest, I thought I did everything I could to show her and reassure her that everything would be alright. Was it not enough? I hate myself for being stubborn and still willing to wait until things get better.
If it's not too much trouble, is it alright if you guys were to share me your thoughts on this? I just really need other people's opinions on this. I would ask my other friends, but since their my friends they might sugarcoat their words to avoid hurting me. You don't have to sugarcoat or make your words hurt less, just tell me what you guys feel about it. Truth be told, I somehow kinda feel what most of you guys would say, but it's just so hard, you know? To suddenly stop talking to the person you did to everyday. It just hurts.
Now begs the question, should I wait or should I forget?
You can't make A want or need to be with you regardless of your reassurances to her. Two people who get together should just accept each other without neither one having to change. A needs to realize this but whether she ever will is another thing because people similar to her are insecure and do make for controlling partners. They think they 'own' their partner, hence the possessiveness and with B in the picture, it only 'muddies the water' for you guys. It gets to be bewildering, because all of you have emotions and thoughts which are pushing and pulling all of you in different directions, while all of you try to solve the dilemma by actions, thinking it's for the better of everyone involved. It's from this confusion that you need to step away from, to able to listen to your gut, rather than to your heart.
While you have tried to accept all of A, she is basically doing both of you a favour by ending it and it's your decision as to whether you wait around or just get on with your life. Sure, it will be hard to move on from her, but time heals everything and if you wait around, you're basically deluding yourself that things will change for the better with A.
One of the definitions of FRIENDSHIP is that we help each other be the best we can be. That becomes a stronger mission when we are in a RELATIONSHIP.
Your girlfriend is dealing with SECURITY ISSUES, she needs help in her life regardless of you being in it.
I can see you guys 20 years down the road having had a healing experience today and you be the best of friends if not married… or I can see her struggling for 20 years in and out of broken relationships and it being awkward between the two of you.
It’s up to you. You WANT things to get better but the problem you are facing is that you don’t know HOW to help her. While security is something that someone has to develop on their own (otherwise they can grow a dependence on you) there are some things that you can encourage her to do for herself.
I just had an idea…. Why don’t the two of you go to the library with your internet able laptops and commit to a BIG project. The question you have to solve is…
HOW TO BUILD SECURITY?
It’s not a matter of reading and believing in everything that you read, its about looking at all of the ideas and facts and growing on them so that you can create a plan that works for you. There is soooo much darkness and negative energy in the world we ALL need to build our security. Which brings to light the fact that her problem could be that she has negative energy all around her that is harming her. You said that you think that she is perfect, are there jealous people around her? Their energy can do a lot of damage. If you think that is true she needs to cleanse with steam, sea salt face bowls, and burning white sage. She has to avoid negative peoples eye contact, and any contact. I have to cleanse on a very regular basis, sometimes half a dozen times a day!! And the difference between before and after the cleanse is like an instant MEDICINAL CURE.
So another question you want to research is HOW TO PROTECT MY ENERGY AND HOW TO CLEANSE MY ENERGY.
We are all sensitive and vulnerable but some people are more sensitive and can be deeply polluted by other people energy. Alternatively, they can be wonderfully inspired, it depends on the truth and love people have inside of them. Unfortunately a lot of the world suffers from one thing or another.
What will happen first is that she will see that she isn’t alone in the problem. She will see that there are many solutions. She will be planting the seeds to ideas that will grow in her mind helping her heal. (say these things to her to support her)
Look at what the meaning of SECURITY is, the raw definition. To me security is to be DEFINED.
So what needs to be defined in our lives in order to be healthy happy and free? SECURE?
Knowledge…. A step that we can rise on. There is an entire planet and beyond to believe in. Its up to each of us to choose what means something to us, what can support us on our path.
I have DJ Khaled and Sizzla’s song GRATEFUL running through my mind as I write this… check it out.
I feel it is important to mention that your projects are independent.
Although you are going to start it together and maybe meet to work on your own projects at the same time and place sometimes... it is important that SHE BUILDS HER MIND.... AND YOU BUILD YOUR MIND.
This project is a RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF. Building TRUST within yourself. Being able to see our mind in front of us is POWERFUL AND FUN!!
It can be fun to share pages of definitions that are full of ideas, pictures, lists, quotes, facts ... and to inspire each other and expand perspectives... but not for a while. Not until you are both free and secure....GATHERED.
Work on ENERGY and SECURITY definitions together.... and work on a LIST OF ALL OF THE DIFFERENT THINGS IN LIFE THAT YOU BOTH FEEL NEED DEFINING... but then think for yourselves.
Buy her a binder with A-Z tabs so that she can organize her definitions. Get some clear tabs for some of the BIG ideas that should be kept at the front of her binder like, LIFE IS, I AM, LOVE, PROTECTION, BALANCE, ENERGY, FLOW, HEALING, FREEDOM, PEACE.... You could put a photo of her on the front, or design her name. Its a sweet way to say that you believe in her... (and now she will create the pages that gather her thoughts that will help her believe in herself)
And show her that you have made a similar binder for yourself, with the similar tabs and pages with core ideas at the top, and the rest of the page ready to collect your thoughts. Inspiration is everywhere, collect your truth.
Halloween is upon us... WHAT IS HALLOWEEN REALLY ABOUT?
Protecting our energy from evil spirits.
What are spirits?
The energy that our souls can create and emit.
What kind of people carry negative energy or worst manipulate energy?
Sometimes its natural, so someone that is ill and suffering will emit negative energy, people that have hateful thoughts and feelings will emit negative energy.... but we are dealing with 'shark's witches and snakes' that manipulate energy.
The world is in a lot of trouble.
What protects us from energy? LOVE. Believing in ourselves and what is important to us. Protecting all of our senses. And...Cleansing.