LDR - not sure if he is still interested
LAKESTAURUS - Oct 22 2020 at 02:07
So a little bit of background information - I met someone online through a mutual friend in March, we started out just chatting every now and then but as timed passed it became all day every day. At the start of September we admitted we had developed feelings for each other and then a week or so later made it official and became 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. Now he lives in the States and I live in the UK so we said we knew it would be hard, but that we would always openly communicate to each other and be honest about our feelings/needs to make it work. Everything was great, we would call each other often, message constantly, send pictures to each other etc etc..He was always saying nice things about me, complimenting me, saying how much he missed me/wished I was there etc. We even were discussing how to get him over to visit next year, before I go over there to meet his kids, everything was perfect.
Queue about two weeks ago....I've had some rough stuff going on in my personal life and haven't quite been myself lately. The messages from him also seemed to be getting less and less frequent and a lot shorter .However because we agreed to be open and honest, I communicated with him that I needed a little more of his support and attention and I felt I wasn't getting that. He apologised, told me he knew he needed to make me a priority and he was sorry he ever made me feel like I wasn't. Things just went downhill from there. We haven't had a phonecall for two weeks, every time I ask if he wants a call he completely ignores the question. I struggle to ever get a reply to a message and quite often he'll send me maybe 2 messages a day, then one the next morning like nothing happened. There is never any mention of missing me, of us being together - just generic 'how are yous?' 'works busy'.
Meanwhile, because we are in several servers together, I can actively see him chatting to other people while ignoring me. I told him this was making me crazy so I needed to leave the server and take some space for myself. So I spent 2 days not around my phone/messaging etc to get my head back in the right place. I thought he might have been happy to hear from me today when I messaged him telling him I was going to try going back to therapy, but I basically got "That'll be good!" as a reply and that's been the only thing for hours...He said he still wants to be my boyfriend but that just feels like empty words and as if he is waiting for me to say it's over.
What do I do ?
It does sound like he has distanced himself and that you clearly need more.
I think he probably is waiting for you to say it is over.
If it were ME I would not even text him again...seems like you have been chasing him for the attention...seems like he isn't "first" to contact you.
I know it is really difficult to let go of relationships I am personally going thru a very difficult "break up" from a 7 year in person relationship.
When I hear from my "x" it fills my ego, gives me someone to talk to, makes me feel wanted and happier (its like a drug)...but in reality...the relationship is NOT good and I am having trouble accepting THAT as I have NO ONE in my life...no family, no friends....But, the longer I do not talk to my X I can see that I was grasping and grapping for any little bit of attention he would give me...which is exactly what you are doing.
You deserve someone to CHOSE YOU everyday....And this is NOT the guy who is doing that. It is really hard to be alone....really hard....but it is also really hard to be with the wrong person....and to be having the "abandoned" feelings you are currently experiencing.
So if I were you...for your own self esteem and growth...I would stop texting him all together....Let him chase you....He may end up not chasing you...but you may end up finding someone WHO WILL...or at least someone who is more attentive to your needs/wants.
What should you do?
I will try to feel myself into your situation.
However it’s going to be a bit difficult, since I’m a male.
And it was a long time ago when I was in a long distance relationship.
This being said, I would do some self-reflection first.
Ask myself some questions:
Do you want to get married?
Is this a guy you would want to marry?
Do you want a family?
Are you ready to have a family?
When I was single and wanted a girlfriend I asked myself, why would I want a girlfriend?
When I realized what I’m actually looking for is a wife.
I was 19 years old when I made a decision to look for a wife and not a girlfriend.
I wanted someone I can spend my life with, not someone I just hang around and kill time with.
I can’t really answer your question about what to do with your boyfriend issue.
I could tell you to ask yourself as many questions as you can to see where they lead.
If you don’t know something, try to find out, learn, be curious, challenge what you know, challenge what you feel, challenge what you think.
You are the only one who has the power to act, to know what to do, you just need to have the courage to ask the right questions and answer them honestly.
Dig deep and you will find your answer within yourself.