Upset by boyfriend's birthday gift
Me and my partner have been together for 6 years, we don't live together and are isolating because of coronavirus. For my birthday this year boyfriend asked me what I would like. I advised that I wasn't sure, but suggested for him to make plans to take me out for a nice meal once we can meet again, or for him to buy me a gift voucher for a shop that I like.
Boyfriend had jokingly suggested that he buy me a dildo (we haven't seen each other in a while so he has been quite sexual in conversations recently). I said I didn't want this as was happy with the toys I have already (he only bought me a dildo earlier this year).
A few days later we are sending sexual texts/exchanging pictures and he tells me that he is going to buy me a toy that he's seen. I'm going along with the conversation and sending photos and tell him he doesn't need to get me anything but he says he is buying it and sending it to me anyway. I thanked him for treating me and said I was looking forward to the surprise.
A few days later I receive this gift and it is a ridiculously large dildo... I open the box and am immediately quite upset because I know that I will never be able to use this and it wouldn't be pleasurable for me to do so. I'm disappointed but think oh well it's just a toy not the end of the world so I send a pic to show that I've received it and to say thank you.
Couple days pass and it's then my birthday... but no birthday gift arrives. I speak to boyfriend and it turns out that the didlo was my birthday gift...
It was at this point that I told him that I don't want it because it is too big for me. I asked if we can return it and get something different but he said no because he wants me to have it so he can imagine me using it and I can send pics with it.
I just feel really upset cause I don't want to be ungrateful but I also really hate this gift and want it out the house because I don't want to feel pressured into using it when he next comes round. Also what am I supposed to tell my family when they ask what he got me!?
Does anyone have any advice, do you think I should apply for a refund and return it so that he can get his money back (it cost about £20 I think)? Or shall I just leave it and tell him I won't be using it? Or shall I just give it a go and try to get more comfortable with the idea?
I feel like he just hasn't thought about me at all and I put so much thought into his gifts and always get him things that are meaningful and he has just thought of his own sexual pleasure.
I feel like honesty and communication is key to a relationship.
I would straight out tell him my feelings were hurt that he bought me yet another "dildo" for my birthday and that if I were to be completely honest I do not "love" getting a dildo for a birthday present or any other holiday present. I would exactly tell him...What do I tell my family when they ask me what you got me for my birthday. I would tell him...Seriously, I want to return this or put it in the trash (LOL).
If he is only into dildos and sex and cant think outside that box...especially when it appears this is making you unhappy than maybe you should rethink this relationship.
But, if you are "going along" and not telling him your true feelings than your relationship is really not authentic....Only really authentic relationships will really last thru the tests of time.
It amazes me the different realities that we can all find ourselves in.
There are some realities where sex is made in an embrace looking deep into each others eyes kissing each other tenderly all over.
There are some realities where they do SNM or SMN or some kind of violent and controlling or dominating sex.
There are some realities that dive into all of the different art forms of the Kama Sutra, becoming one with their partner.
There are some realities where they have the same act of boring simple sex every week.
There are some realities where they spend hours on pleasure and never have actual intercourse.
And so on….
A seed is planted and it grows. We grow it, the world around us grows it….. and it becomes a part of our life with paths to follow. You have been growing some seeds that I am not sure that your soul is that interested in… that is, it won’t be interested in them until you pursue them showing your soul that this is what you want, that this is your chosen reality. Then you will feel a magnetic pull to those choices.
I always think of a train getting started, first we push it…. but then we are pulled as the engine takes over. First we train, then we have talent.
In films, who models a wonderful sexual relationship for you? Is it ‘Shakespeare in Love’ is it ‘Far and Away’ is it ‘Charlies Angels’ is it ‘Bridget Jones’, ‘The Princess Bride’, ‘Cloud Atlas’ ‘You got mail’ …. Look at the definitions presented in film they are meant to be mirrors to help us build OUR own reality.
On a universal level, first we push then we are pulled. Our dreams our desires MEAN something to the universe. Have you read the ALCHEMIST?
DEFINE who you are and what LOVE is, which includes how love should feel, what kinds of things we do in love,…… and much more.
I think your bf has been watching too much porn and the seeds have been planted for the use of this contraption. Help broaden his horizons and get him in line with TRUE LOVE. How about a discussion on your favourite love story to try to landscape his gardens with flowers.
I just discovered a gem of a song “The music that makes me dance” by Barbara Streisand and Kenny G.
I also recalled a song called “Area Codes” by Ludacris and Nate Dogg
They are two very different stories about two babies (blank canvas’s) that grew up with different beLEAFS.
Love is MENTAL not physical.
When I kiss him it is powered by what I think about him, how I feel about him and how he makes me feel about life. Each intimate kiss is like our first kiss, our minds, bodies and souls are connected to the same truths that revolve around believing ‘I LOVE YOU’.
Over time relationships are compromised because our cups become full of different things that get in the way of being able to feel that way again.
What matters at that moment of our first or most intimate kisses??
Here. Now. You. me. I love you.
Simplify life by defining it. Get out of the ocean and into a beautiful natural pond and play freely. Free to be here and now with what matters to you.
In a nutshell, he didn’t listen to you.
He did what he wanted - In spite of that you told him what you did want, and gave him two Specific choices to choose from.
Now you have time and space to figure out if this is how it’s going to be in the future.
It is bothering me that I didn't make this more clear with the word PRACTICE.
"I always think of a train getting started, first we push it…. but then we are pulled as the engine takes over. First we train, WE PRACTICE then we have talent OR HABITS."