Hey I suck. People think I don't suck. I'm a phone addict. Help.
Here are 3 highly undramatic and relatively ridiculous problems I am currently crying over, and seem to be crying over a lot, not just recently. I know they sound teenage-angsty, and they are seriously unimportant compared to people with much harder struggles, but I’d really appreciate any help.
1. I am addicted to my phone, to the point of which that my family is concerned over my future, since I don’t put in effort in anything else.
2. I am stupid, and everyone I know thinks I’m smart, so now I’m an unintentional fraud.
3. I also happen to be stupidly-self-centered, and have accumulated an abundance of bad traits I need to murder, otherwise one of these days, someone is going to murder me.
Both 1 and 3 seem to have sprouted from 2. Imagine you’re an extremely privileged child, born from two obviously successful parents, and sandwiched between two highly talented siblings. You are raised to value learning, and you grow up with an abundance of unfair advantages. Add in the fact that your brother is autistic, plus your sister is socially inept, and suddenly, you also appear talented, despite being desperately stupid.
So yeah, that’s the people think I’m smart problem- which you’d think would be easy to solve, but it’s become a personality problem too. Continuing the second-person narrative: as the years drag on, you want to believe that you possess a modicum of talent, so you develop a weird personality combination of arrogance and sensitivity. The arrogance sprouts because of a need to prove yourself, and the sensitivity is from a secret truth that only you know: you are a fake. You are constantly guilty and prone to tears, when people joke about you lying, or when people praise you, so people just accept that you cry a lot for seemingly no reason. It’s almost like a little quirk of yours. What a silly, funny, little cry-baby. I’m sure she’ll grow out of it.
And then you become a tad obsessed with escapism.
You read too escape, and to pretend you are an overpowered main character, with genuine strength and a dash of plot armor, compared to the real you, who is more likely a comic side character that everyone likes but no one cares for, for being equal parts ditzy, smart, and dramatic.
You get a phone, and immediately find scores of free fiction to bury yourself in. You discover video essays on YouTube, and fall in love with critiques of people’s work, because it can distract from your own faults.
Besides this, people continue to think you are smart, and your escapist-tendencies have actually built a pleasant picture. By writing essays and stories inspired by actually intelligent people, you seem exceptionally bright, and other subjects, at least, at your young age are easy when you have a scientist brother to listen to.
You still know that you suck.
And yes, you become more addicted to your phone.
And now it’s a whole other problem.
Please help. I don’t know how I’m going to actually improve at this sad, self-pitying rate. And I really need to improve, otherwise I can't help my siblings when I'm older, because they really do have bad social skills.
You are clearly very intelligent which is a bit different from the typical ‘book smart’.
You are like me. You are sensitive and connect to LIFE. You READ life.
Many people can read 10 text books and pass 10 tests. But not everyone can see, gather the truths and make the connections in life that you can. You have the power to BELIEVE in life. For example, if you studied medicine you would be the doctor that connects to patients healing them body mind and soul. While most doctors are just text book reiterators.
You have a wonderful natural gift that is given to those that are close to the LIFE ENERGY that the world is made up of. This means that you connect to and can study and succeed at anything that truly matters to you.
The down side (and that is what you are facing now) is because you are so connective, you can get lost in all of the different connections that there are around us. You have to choose your interests and focus on trying to grow them. Your current habits will make that hard at first but it won’t take long for you to be free if you give yourself some structure.
You have to focus on having a balanced lifestyle, WHAT ARE YOUR NEEDS? Healthy food, sleep, exercise, cleaning, ….. List your needs and make sure that you are committed to these practices every day. They support your life. Be happy that you are able to support your needs when so many are unable to. Fulfilling our needs makes us feel better physically, mentally, spiritually, we feel in control over our lives, and we feel a healthy self confidence in ourselves that supports us in an infinite number of ways.
Talking on the phone is an addiction like any other because IT MAKES YOU FEEL ALIVE. You have trained yourself to feel this way.
You have to look inside yourself to see what moves you. What is of interest to you. What holds your attention. WHAT ELSE MAKES YOU FEEL ALIVE.
The key is to create balance by using passion to feed other passions.
Right now (on the phone) you are creating energy, and nothing else is comparing to that feeling of life flowing through you. You have to discover the world and grow interest in different things until those things give you that same kind of energy flow.
You just want to feel good.
You have to find more ways.
The world is WONDERFUL, have FUN exploring the possibilities. YOU HAVE A LIFETIME TO FILL WITH DIFFERENT ACTIVITIES!!
There is nothing wrong with you, school can kind of numb us as we are told what to have interest in, what to study, what is important…. They train us out of the practice of LEADING OURSELVES which is a skill that makes the difference between being enthusiastic about life… and dragging our feet.
My healthy addiction is TRUTH
We all have millions of pieces of puzzle inside us, pieces of truth that we have collected through our experiences.
Create a book for yourself, collect your thoughts, gather images, pictures, quotes that help you believe in yourself and support your path.
Take control over your life.
See your life in front of yourself.
Our LIFE is made up of our thoughts, intentions, words, actions, experiences….
They start with our thoughts, gather them and review them, BELIEVE IN THEM.
Define ideas like...
PLAYLISTS FOR LOVE
PLAYLISTS FOR FOCUS
WHAT IS FUN
WHAT DO I BELIEVE IN
There are unlimited possibilities, the more you define and believe in the more secure you will be. The more power you will have.
Plus....IT IS SOOO MUCH FUN!!!
Your book is a reflection of YOU...make it beautiful.
NOTE: A project that you might want to consider is to look up lists of a-z jobs, careers, hobbies, etc... not to plan your future quite yet but to go through the lists, imagine the role you might have, and how it makes you feel. If something ignites inside of you, if something is of interest to you, then explore it. This project might help you choose some interests and activities that will help make you FEEL GOOD and FEEL ALIVE.
Remember that we are habitual people, new paths take a bit of a push. If you are not used to going outside then gardening will be an idea that you will be reluctant to do or even reject. But once you get out there and connect to the wind, the sky, the birds singing, the feel of the soil, the smell of the grass, the joy of seeing a seed you planted turn into a plant and then food to eat!!!! GLORY!!!
I meant REGURGITATE... not reiterate.
Regardless of your path
I stay on my path
Seeing what is worth it for me to believe in
Your insincerity has made this my last post on people’s problems.