Where do you draw the line with your in-laws?
ADVICE NEEDED 1234 - Oct 29 2020 at 18:11
I (32 yr old female) have been married to my husband (36 year old male) for ten years. During that time (and when I first met him, dated him etc.) I was aware that he sends half of his salary to his parents, who refuse to work (they had their children as teenagers and have since qualified themselves in different fields, so they are not yet of a retirement age) but they prefer to stay at home. My husband has two sisters (in their 20's) who contribute nothing towards his parents' expenses and refuse to. (I should also probably mention that I had a wonderful job when I first married him, so he convinced me to get married in community of property as we were both thriving in our jobs.)
Recently we managed to use our savings to buy a flat and he asked me if his parents could stay with us for six months till they found another place to stay (we moved to a different country and they also wanted to relocate.) He paid all their expenses and they flew over and have been staying with us since.
Six months have come and gone, they are still staying in our spare room (in a two-bedroom flat) and they have made no attempt to find a place of their own and refuse to find a job of their own because "he (my husband) said that he would always send them money". I recently lost my job due to Covid-19 retrenchments and am still expected to pay my half of the mortgage that my husband and I share (while my parents-in-law receive half his salary, use our water and electricity, eat our food and stay in our flat for free).
Is there any way I could ask them to at least contribute towards expenses?
Whenever I broach the subject to him he doesn't seem to want to talk to his parents about contributing towards the household because "they get emotional". Meanwhile they play loud music all day while they sit around, drink and smoke and we have had complaints from my tenants above and below us. Is there a way I can approach them about contributing anything? Or anything I can do about the situation at all? At this stage I'm wondering if there's anything else they will take advantage of, if given the opportunity.
So we are all adults here and let me ask you, if you already knew them before they moved in with you why did accept?
Sincerely, I love my hubby too but there are things that we had to draw a very big fat line and that is towards money and expenses.
They don't want to work and find a house, sure ok, but it's their problem! Not yours!
If your husband doesn't want to deal with it it's still his problem.
What if you had kids? How would you both do?
First he needs to step up. They are his parents not yours. So talk to him and if he decides not do it, I'm not really sure what are you suppose to do.
Some people are like leeches, you give them a hand and they take your arm too. Be careful around those people.