Found naked pics of girl on boyfriends phone... TWICE!
Long story I'll try to keep it brief. Earlier this year I found naked pictures of a woman on my boyfriends phone. These were very explicit and this was such a shock. When I looked at the girls Instagram account I seen that she works in the 'porn industry' she wasn't a normal girl like me. He followed her account also. So I confronted him. He completely blows up and is angry that I had looked at his phone, I ask him why he has them on his photos and he just calls me names and says that they get sent to him from mates from work and that the pictures 'automatically save' on his phone and that he doesn't look at them.
It gets really heated and he turns it all round on me not even saying sorry or admitting that what he's done is wrong. Bare in mind we have been together for almost 6 years and it is disrespectful in my eyes. Anyway the way it was left was that we sort of moved on, he said he had deleted the pics and I believed him that this wasnt what I thought it was and that was that.
The other week I seen him scrolling on his phone and seen something out of the corner of my eye. Then a few days later when I got the chance I checked his pictures again only to find similar pics to last time and a video... So I storm into the room to get my stuff explaining that it's disgusting and that he said it wouldn't happen again. He screams at me getting angry that if i didn't look at his phone then I wouldn't see anything I'd be upset by and that again he gets sent these pics from people from work and that he doesn't look at them...
To me that's just plain weird and pervy that men send these pics and videos to eachother. And second I just feel so ugly and horrible about myself he doesn't realise that it lowers my self esteem because now I think he doesn't find me attractive anymore.
This argument again got really heated to the point where I had a panic attack and there's just no speaking to him because he has to have the last word. I got called all names under the sun and again got made to feel like this was all my fault.
This last year I have suffered with anxiety and body image issues really bad as over 2 years I have piled on 4 stone and obviously feel bad about myself. I was more upset that he doesn't seem the even care that he's upset me. I don't think I'm asking got much just respect not to have these sort of things so blatant on his phone. Am I over reacting? I don't know what to do I'm not happy about this and it's affecting my life to the point where I've lost respect for him now.
Any help is appreciated
Thank you x
Hi! I am gonna tell ya something.... Guys are gonna look at pictures of naked girls.... if she does not have any interest in him and makes her living in the porn industry then girl he is just living in a fantasy world.... I understand that it is disrespectful and can make your self esteem low... but don’t let that get you down... you have a few options.... 1 is play the it is just pictures game back... find a hot dude that makes you think damn just give me 5 minutes with him and I will give him the ride of a lifetime.... the 2nd is if your man ain’t cheating or looking at this girls pictures/videos while y’all are together then let it slide if you love him and want it to work let the small shit go!!! And 3rd if your man wants to think in his mind that he has a chance in real life to get with this girl then let him think it! But no matter what if he can do it and you ain’t suppose to get mad girl you better learn to play the game back!!
No, I don’t think you’re over reacting, it’s how you feel and I think because you both haven’t talked, you're left upset and he’s angry.
Maybe it’s something your partner and his friends have always done? And It’s not that easy for him to stop if he’s getting sent videos it’s not easy to ignore. Yes, he could not look or watch but he seems to think it’s not a big deal.
It seems that some people don’t have a problem with their bfs, gfs, husband, wife’s or partners, looking at porn or pictures and others really do mind. They take it very personally.
If you’re already not feeling great about yourself, you’re not going to react well especially if you’ve told him before you don’t like it. His angry aggressive reaction (Both times) doesn’t help. I think you needed reassurance from him and then both of you talk about it with no name calling (which is not right, don’t let him get away with that!).
I would talk to him about this (not when he’s angry) things won’t feel normal again until you do. See if you get a calm response from him.
Do you know that some women actually laugh at their mates when they look at these kinds of pictures? And yes, guys do send these kinds of pictures to one another for a joke.
You say you have been together for six years. How is he treating you in other ways? Are you getting the attention that you need? Does he think you’re beautiful and sexy and let you know that?
OR ... is he is feeding your insecurities? If so, No wonder you are upset when you see these pictures of these fantasy women. But in no way is he probably even trying to have a relationship with these girls who post these pictures, usually for money.
It really sounds like you’re not getting the attention that you need from him. So it’s no wonder that you get upset when you see that he is paying attention to these pictures. Have a good discussion with him about your needs not getting met.