Is my boyfriends bad behavior towards my daughter a deal killer?
My bf and I are in our 60s and have been together more than a year. While I'm aware he can be somewhat bossy and too harsh with words, he generally is very loving and kind.
However, my adult daughter met him once last year and he came off as brash and bossy to the point where she cried. He was picking on our family cat, who has been a source of comfort for me and my kids since my husband (their dad) died 10 years ago.
I asked him to apologize at the time and instead he made small talk with her. I decided to still stay in the relationship b/c everyone should have a 2nd chance but the few times my daughter visits, I've kept them apart.
I feel at this point if I stay with him, it's important that they he can at least be somewhat civil to her. I should add that during this last year, when I facetime her he is nice on the call and he even sent a generous engagement gift to her.
He does mention that I speak to her at least 6 times/day, which isn't true but her and I are close and since we can't see each other often, we facetime. While i only see him on weekends, I don't stay on the phone too long with her so not sure why he makes fun of my calls with her.
In any event, my daughter and her fiancé are visiting in a few weeks and to prepare, I mentioned to him yesterday that I think my daughter may be nervous to meet him again since the 1st and only time last year did not go well. His response was: "Well she's crazy". I then said well you guys need to have a decent relationship. Even if he thinks she is (which she isn't, just sensitive), he could have said that he will make sure it goes smoothly, etc. He never took responsibility for his actions last year and I suppose he never will.
Is this a relationship killer?
Its up to you if it’s a deal breaker or not and what you’re willing to put up with. Set some boundaries. Don’t let either of them talk badly about one another, keep telling them both you’d like them to be civil and try and get on and just be fair so they know you’re not siding.
I don’t agree with picking on animals and if he knew the cat was important to you all and why then that’s not right, he should of apologised properly not make small talk with your daughter.
See how he is when you all next meet up, don’t keep them apart. If he behaves differently and is nice to everyone then that should show he’s listened to you and wants to be friends.