I don't want to cheat, but i've fancied this other guy since I was 10
I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years and we have lived together for the last 2 years. We met when we were 16 and he's the only person I've ever been with. He's my best friend in every way and I love the relationship we have. We are both happy (we've obviously had our ups and downs over the years) and we have a good sex life. I reckon he will be the guy I marry and have a family with.
However, I often find myself fantasising over another guy that I've fancied since I was 10. We used to be good friends and I always fancied him (and he liked me) but nothing ever happened between us. On our last day of high school we made a pact that we would get together one day, however I then met my boyfriend not long after that and have been with him ever since. Over the years we've chatted here and there, often a bit flirty, and I think about him ALOT. I don't want a relationship with him as we are very different people with different interests, but I've just always wanted to sleep with him. The other day I bumped into him and we had a chat and then sent some flirty messages. It felt thrilling and exciting, but at the same time I felt guilty as I don't want to hurt my partner.
I don't know what to do and I know that I'm in the wrong, but it's been a fantasy of mine for so long and I feel as though I'm always going to be thinking of him. I literally just want to sleep with him to get the urges out of the way, but I can't do that without cheating. I considered talking to my partner, but he is a very jealous and paranoid person that I just don't think it would go down very well. I do love him and everything about our relationship, but my sexual urges towards this other guy are so strong. I've only ever slept with my partner and just don't want to regret that in 20 years time. Any advice on how to handle this?
What u are going through is normal, but very avoidable. That feeling of trying something new, crazy adventures, and thinking maybe u could get it better out there....
I think the cause of this fantasy is because of the flirty chats u usually have with this other guy... He probably told u things u dreams of doing during sex.. or told u he's a sex expert...
When it comes to sex there are no champions, if your guy, Love's u and do satisfy u on bed there's no need for a new dick......
Don't hurt his feelings, try new things on bed with him, experiment with him, and stop getting flirty with the other guy.... always talk about your guy when he brings up flirty discussions........ Don't spoil your long time love with just a few minutes of sex with another guy....
You said: “We are very different people with different interests”
He’s just “forbidden fruit” and the fantasy is so much better than reality.
Return attention to your guy and be sure that relationship is everything you need to hold your attention.
Our minds are gardens. What has grown in our past has the potential to grow again. We encourage growth with our thoughts, emotions, and experiences.
I believe that it is important that we create and hold onto wonderful friendships. The world is a cold and dark place, we need one another’s support and care.
That having been said, we also need to power our will so that we don’t get carried away by our thoughts or by energy.
I always imagine having one true love, and many other people that I love in my life. I know that the energy between myself and my friends that I love will be powerful, it’s a natural force, and exchange between people. We have to remember that what we have with our spouses is something that is built and it has had its wonderful moments, its peaceful moments, its exciting moments…. Its on its own course. If I was to consider being with someone else it would be on the foundation, the state of mind, the life that I have built with my spouse. The new relationship would have different moments of wonder, different moment of peace, different moments of excitement. But that doesn’t means BETTER.
There is a power in FRESH. There is power in mystery. And that can derail us.
I think that you have to power your will by deciding for yourself who you want to spend the rest of your life with, but more importantly you have be honest with yourself and write down the detailed reasons WHY you want to be with either.
Take weeks to gather your considerations. You have to believe in yourself and believe in your choices, writing them down considering all perspectives are the only way to do that. Whatever you choose you will feel secure with, you will not have doubts in your way ruining your future and your freedom. Should you have to break someone’s heart you will be able to bring truth to the table to explain yourself to others.
PS: Sexual urges in true love, are based on the accumulation of what you share together. Whether it be real dreams or real experiences. Your inspiration should be based on the truths that make him irresistible to you. His character. His influence on you. How he treats you. The natural way that he lives his life. What is important to him. What he believes in….
PPS: As women we take on the energy of the man we are with, so it is important to choose someone that brings you peace.
I also ask myself....Who am I able to bring out the best in? NATURALLY.
As everyone else has said here, don't go cheating on this great guy you have that you want to marry.
Honestly, if you can't get over this. You need to leave the great guy and go screw around for a while. It will devastate the guy you're currently with.....but if you're that willing to cheat, then you don't deserve him.
I’ve recently been in a similar situation and not been able to fully resist which I then regretted (a kiss). It is all fun and exciting which is probably what you’re missing in your already established relationship since it’s no longer new. Since you’ve always wanted to as well it will be nagging at you more like letting a dream come true.
Firstly I want to say I think it’s more normal than people will ever know, to think about other people sexually when you already have a partner. Don’t over think this and know that it will go away the less you see / talk to the guy.
Secondly I want to say that you’ve probably built the situation up in your head to be way better than it would be so I’d urge you not to leave your boyfriend or be tempted to cheat just to find out. It sounds like you have something good and are letting the past impact your present.
Lastly I’d like to share that the first time this happened to me with the boy I’d fancied so much through school and I left my boyfriend because I couldn’t stop thinking about him. We then got together a few times, it was average and before I knew it we stopped talking as it was just a bit of fun to him.
This then happened again years later with someone I had a pact to marry by the age of 28. This guy was my brothers best friend who quickly became a huge part of my life and we truly care for each other like family but also have the same dirty sense of humour which is why we always said if we were both single by 28 we should just get married. Anyway, my boyfriend and I were going through a boring spell and I kept bumping into this guy when out which made me think it was a sign. Before I knew it we kissed after a night out and I immediately felt stupid and so horrible for letting it get to that just cause we were having fun.
Finally not that long ago a boy who knows I used to be obsessed with him in my early 20s (I’m now 26) tried to kiss me when we were altogether at our friends house. I managed to resist but believe me it did feel gutting that I couldn’t as I still think he’d be such a great guy to be with but I know I’d have felt worse if I did and I’m so proud I’ve not screwed up my relationship this time for an unknown thrill that could have lasted a night! Finally learning from precious curiosity killing the cat moments.
Hope these help as I wish someone shared stories with me.