Do I tell him to cut his ex or do I leave?
LEXII - Nov 8 2020 at 20:37
I got into a relationship with someone for almost 3 months. He is very close with his ex that was with him for 9 years. They constantly are messaging each other. I am uncomfortable when I am around them so I chose to not be around her. What do I do? My mind I wanna stay with him but I can’t be comfortable with her around.
9 years is a lot of history and your guy needs to get over his ex before he can be with you 100%. By your post, he's still attached to her and vice versa to a certain extent, and you either wear it or you don't. If you tell him to cut his ex, he won't and possibly can't as of yet, because she's still 'there' in his heart.
3 months is pretty much early days and you're still finding out what and who makes your guy tick. If he can't respect you and your relationship together, then you need to be kind to yourself, and look at it from a distance and determine what is it about him that makes you happy and unhappy, and weigh up is he worth being with at present when his emotions are 'all at sea'.
I think it depends on the kind of man you are with. Is he a man of honor? If the man I am in love with right now wanted to continue a friendship with his ex of 9 years I would be supportive of it. But that is only because the man I am in love with is full of integrity, he wouldn’t be with me unless he REALLY loves me because he values his life, he doesn’t waste his time and energy. He is honest with himself and has built his will up so that he stays true to what he really wants. He would keep the friendship just a friendship that is based on respect and care for one another. His ex would have genuine respect for me too, if she didn’t my bf wouldn’t want to spend time with her.
9 years is a long time to be with someone. Habits are hard to break. But I wouldn’t be chatting with my ex on a daily basis. I would text or email once in a while and get together once in a while, once or twice a month or so.
You have been together for only 3 months, I would ask him to really think about if he wants to get back together with his ex or if he wants to start a new relationship. Ask him who does he want to spend his time with. Ask these questions as a caring friend that wants the best for him, not as a hurt girlfriend that wishes he chose you to spend that connection time with.
Talk to him about the science of the mind and how the gardens of his mind have grown one way for a long time and its hard to change, and if he really wants to change then he is going to have to think of her less choosing to shift focus. Maybe he could find a hobby or some new friends to share the time with. He has to take control of the engine in his mind and believe he should and can do other things with his time.
The world is running on positive and negative energy, it is important that we all create as much positive energy as we can. Love is important and it can’t be limited to one partner. When we give love light grows everywhere. The more love there is in the world, the more connections there are in the air that provide for light to live on helping people make better choices. We are all at WAR against darkness.
Everyone has to know who they are, we have to know what life is, and we have to be able to define our path so that we stay true to who we are and what is important to us. Everyone has to understand how to protect themselves and one another from the negative energy that feeds the bad choices that are in front of us.
Stand WITH him, not opposed to him and do what you can to define the truths that you need to be free.