Should I stay or should I go? He cannot seem to get his life together
Hi everyone! I am new on here and I'm looking for some advice on my relationship predicament. I apologize it is somewhat complicated/lengthy.
I have been with this guy for 4 years. Our personalities are basically the same and we like all of the same stuff. But, lately we have been drifting apart and he doesn't communicate well at all. His major downfalls are that he cannot seem to get his life together. His license got suspended, he has no car insurance, a theft on this record, and he cannot find a stable job. I have been paying for our rent, groceries, and I have put myself in debt to keep this relationship alive.
At first I didn't mind because I thought he would eventually get his life together and we could have a stable relationship and he would pay me back. But, 4 years later he still can't get it together and I'm graduating college and I already have a full time job. He never went to college and is destined to work in retail or warehouse work forever.
We haven't touched each other in over a week (no hugging, kissing, and haven't had sex in over a month) I don't seek out sex with him anymore. I feel resentment towards him for making me pay for everything and I don't feel like I could ever get over that. I just love that he is so similar to me which made things really easy. However, that is not challenging and I realize that.
We are moving back to our home state to live with our parents because we can no longer afford the apartment we are in and the lease is up in December. I tried to convince him to move back earlier because I really don't want to be around him and his depressed and stand offish tone with me. He won't go for it. He wants to try and find a job before moving back, but does not realize no one will be looking to hire him because he doesn't live there right now and his license is suspended. He also has a theft on his background that has prevented him from getting jobs in the past and probably in the future.
I am at my breaking point. I am thinking of moving out everything I have bought for the apartment which is everything besides his bed and going back home early and just leaving him. I don't think I can put up with him for another month and a half until our original move back date. I realize this would be somewhat screwing him over, but I feel justified because I went in debt to keep this relationship alive and have been paying for everything lately. I think I just love the idea of him, but I am no longer in love with him. However his is essentially a "loser" and I don't know if he will ever get his life on track.
This is such a huge decision I have been going back and forth. Any advice or perspective would be great. I just don't think I could forgive him and I don't think we could turn things around despite how perfect his personality is.
First ... No - he’s NOT “so similar” to you. You to are miles apart in some essential matters that hold a relationship together. He has shown you what his temperament Is, what his goals are, and what’s going to happen to him in the future. You have identified them and don’t like them.
I think you know what to do but you are just looking for someone to tell you.
You are falling out of love with him. That’s hurtful, but it’s reality. Listen to your own Heart and mind.
End it. WHen someone shows you who they are, believe them. He can't get it together. You feel nothing for him.
Grieve and move on. IT sucks, yes, but it won't suck any less a year from now. (You'll just be a year older.)