Did we lose the “spark”?
I’ve been together with my fiancé for over 2 years now. We felt deeply in love right away after the first date and the first couple of months together were paradise.... and the sex was absolutely awesome!
After about 5-6 months of relationship I kinda stopped feeling aroused (not only by him... just in general) I was like dead down there. However I loved him more every day. He would try to seduce me but i was always feeling too tired or just not in the mood.
Eventually he stopped trying and we passed from having sex almost every day (on the first couple months) to just once or twice every six weeks. We live together for the past year and we are from different countries (he is European) so I even left Southamerica to come live in Europe with him a year ago. We are very sure of our love and we know we can get through this, but i really miss those times when we were so passionate and always on “the mood”.
Could it be that the routine got the best of us? At the beginning I even thought it had something to do with my hormones. Now I’m off the pill but still things haven’t get back to normal.
Another issue is that we both gain a lot of weight this year, so we were not feeling our best, I wasn’t feeling pretty or sexy at all.
Now he is out of the country for work reasons since September and will come back in a couple of months. We’ve been both taking care of ourselves by making a diet and working out... so now we are back to our regular weights and feeling great with our bodies!
I miss him so much and I start to feel again the desire towards him.
Do you think we needed to take this time away to miss each other and feeling turned on again?
What would you suggest for us to keep the fire alive? And why you think I was feeling so dead down there all this time? Does it happen to every other couple out there?
This is my first serious long term relationship. I’m 30 years old and before I was the flirtatious -always single - party girl, so it’s the first time something like this happens to me, before I was always “ready to go”.
I read you...
Long term relationships last because there’s something MORE than sex holding it together.
What other Interests do you share With this guy?
Exactly! I completely agree with that, and we share many other things, so not having sex that often was never a deal breaker for any of us. I just don’t wanna be on a sexless relationship.
We did have a rough year and I think the stress and the economical situation got the best of us.
I don’t base our relationship on sex... but i feel that if we can make it better it will only benefit us as a couple.
Your cups were filled differently at the beginning of your relationship. Think about what you were both thinking, saying, doing, experiencing, feeling. Create a page so that you can gather your thoughts.
After some time in your relationship your cups were filled differently. Your thoughts, words, actions, feelings were? Create another page so that you can gather your thoughts.
Now, take a step back from all of this and look at relationships in general.
What should be in the mind of someone in a healthy relationship? How can you ensure that you have balance? Consider the details of what you will think, say, do, experience and feel in your days.
Draw a picture of you in love and fill the page all around it with ideas. Take lots of time to gather your thoughts, ideas and perspectives. Have fun dreaming about YOU and your life, in a wonderful relationship, during a wonderful time in your life.
This is how you gather insight into your self and into your relationship. This is how you take control over your life so that you lead yourself towards freedom.
PS: You are going to go through different phases in your relationship, its natural. Don’t worry, stay positive, build your mind and your life so that you feel good about yourself and about life. Those last 16 words can have little meaning to you or a lot. To me it’s a full time job.