Wife choosing family over my 40th
Hi, this is my first time on a forum . I’m looking for impartial anonymous advice .
It’s my 40th birthday in a months time which has been difficult to plan due to covid but I’m still hoping to get away and do something as usually I don’t do much but 40 is a big milestone.
My wife is from the Philippines and has a mother with mental health issues , her mum is been forced into moving house which she’s known about for months now if not a year or two . She has to move be beginning of January .
My wife’s brother works out of the country so no one is there and she has suggested this morning that they both need to go back to Philippines for December to move her mum.
I feel like this could of been sorted earlier but I understand the difficult situation . She has a house to move to but she wil cause problems .
I still can’t help feel hurt though as she will be gone for my 40th .
It’s all very last minute. I’m getting resentful at the fact that it’s her 30th in March and I’m already planning it.
Am I a bad person for feeling this way ?
Your wife is basically doing what's expected of her and her culture which is very family oriented. They drop everything for family and she would, to a certain degree, expect you to understand. It doesn't necessarily mean that she won't respect your 40th, it just means that her mother is her priority at the moment.
Celebrating a milestone birthday doesn't have to be on the day and if it's worth it, it can be delayed due to other relevant circumstances getting in the way. You're not a bad person
for feeling the way you do, rather it means you're human like the rest of us and it's easy to sort with a bit of thought and communication. You should be concerned about your wife having to travel with the Covid still around though.
OK sounds like to me you all have not been married long.... no children no other distractions... if this is true....then her first priorities are her family the family in the Philippines... I know the whole world was on a lockdown and was probably hard for her to plan anything...plus I don’t know your money situation... but you did say this has been known for a couple months.... so since this was known you could have even helped plan this a couple months ago for her to go...or go with her... then again I don’t know the money situation... I am not making excuses for her but this is however her family..
Also now this is kind of fun to think about and this is to make you feel better... don’t know when she is leaving, And don’t know when she’s coming back... but think about it this way and again this is kind of fun... don’t know if you’ve ever heard people say Christmas is not really in December.. it is actually in July... do you know how they got that?... well with all of the days in the year which add up to 365 and with a leap year every four years it bumps those days up... and hypothetically speaking I don’t know your exact day you were born but let’s say last year your birthday was on a Monday... this year will be on Tuesday... next year will be on Wednesday... and if there’s a leap year the following year will be on a Friday.... Now if you took all the numbers off of the calendar.... your birthday ends up not even being on that day... I hope I’m making sense and not confusing you.... so actually your wife’s not missing your birthday at all....lol... so if you added a day for every year you were born and then for every leap year added an extra day...darlin your birthday is now in January
You have a Great 40th....and your wife will be there!!!