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I need help understanding what happened!

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Relationship advice I have been dating a guy consistently for three months and to be honest it felt perfect. We were getting along, we had similar values, and great conversation everyday and our dates were always nice. Two days ago he was telling me he missed me and he can't wait till I cook for him some day (He's attracted to girls who cook and we always talked about him trying my cooking) and then the next day, he called me and told me he likes me but he's emotionally not ready for a relationship and that we should just stop talking. He talked so fast and hung up that I didn't even get a chance to say what I was thinking.

I messaged him afterwards, I told him I was thinking the opposite I even thought he was going to make things official during our coming date. I was appreciative that he was honest with me and I told him that I thought he was great and I wish him the best. He said some random kind stuff back to me and this morning I woke up to see he had blocked me on everything.

I just don't understand how someone can switch gears like that

I need help understanding what happened!

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It's impossible to know.

First, it's possible something did happen. Unfortunately, if he doesn't tell you what it is, you'll never know. (I once broke up with someone I'd seen a few times because he revealed that he believed in conspiracy theories and woah! Huge turn off! This probably wasn't precisely what happened. But it is possible that he reconnected with an ex, found someone he likes better, or otherwise found something about you that is off putting in some way. You don't know and - while it sucks - likely never will if this is what happened.)

Secondly (and I think more likely), when we like someone, we're inclined to think that everything is perfect. It's human nature. We ignore any signs that might indicate that the other person isn't as invested as we are because *we're* happy. And I think that might be what happened here. He was thinking, "Cool, this is fun, let's see where it goes!" while you were thinking, "OMG, LOVE!!!!!!! PERFECTION!!!!!!!" Then when it became clear to him that you weren't on the same page, he bailed. (Which, on one hand, sucks. But it also sucks a lot less than him stringing you along for another three months before doing the same thing.)

So virtual hugs as it sucks to have this happen. Eat a pint of ice cream and cry on a friend's shoulder. Then find someone who feels the same as you do.

I need help understanding what happened!

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Thank you, this was the first helpful advice I got. I thought that might be it but when I thought about it he was the one who always said things like "you're all mine," or "you're so great, I miss you!" and me, worried I might scare him off always smiled and nodded.

I really hope he didn't get back together with his ex because if there's one thing he made clear to me throughout our short relationship is that he will NEVER get back together with her because she treated him poorly. He lost feelings for her, at least that's what he told me, and he was honest about when he was reminded about the breakup. I didn't mind it, I just wanted to help him not hurt anymore. He said he didn't long for her or the relationship, he just gets reminded of the hurt.

I guess you are right, I want this pain to go away soon. It's really shitty and painful. I don't really have friends around to talk to tbh, which is why im here

I need help understanding what happened!

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Hey,
I'm really, truly sorry this happened to you. We can only speculate: he was having an affair, was rebounding, or truly panicked at the perspective of committing to someone or having feelings. WHATEVER THE REASON, he sounds (I'm sorry to say) incredibly immature and uncourteous.
Don't give it another thought. You are definitely better off.
Best of luck!

I need help understanding what happened!

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Glad to help.

It's also important to remember that it's really easy to say "I love you" or "you mean the world to me". That doesn't mean the words carry any weight. (They might - but saying "I love you" doesn't have to mean that I actually love you, if that makes any sense. Or love you outside the a very limited space and time.)

It's also hard to know whether he's back with the ex or even whether all the terrible things he said are true. (People have an unfortunate tendency to exaggerate when speaking to people who don't know the person they're talking about. And it's hardly like he's going to say, "Actually, I'm using you as a shoulder to cry and a source of delicious meals until my evil ex realizes what a great thing she's missing and sees the light". I'm not saying that this is what happened, just that it's not something anyone is likely to say even if that is their true feeling.)

And hugs about the pain. I agree that it sucks. But you'll pull through.

I need help understanding what happened!

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This guy isn't worth the mental gymnastics you are doing, trust me. I've been there a couple of times and that situation really sucks. These men don't have the guts to break off the relationship and that's just it.

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