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Is he using me?

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Relationship advice I have been hooking up with a boy since I was 15 (I'm now 26). I'm now just really confused with the our relationship it is basically "friends with benefits".

Recently he's started talking about having a future partner and it's really hurt me because I feel like I'm good enough for him to hook up with but not be his girlfriend. I've met his parents and sibling but he wants our hook ups now to be kept secret just between us.

I 100% know he's not seeing anyone else but I'm just confused on what to do. Do I just move on and cut all ties?

Is he using me?

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FWB situations tend to come back and bite you when one's out of sync with the other. In your situation, somewhere in the past, you have morphed from FWB to something else, because a FWB relationship doesn't let feelings (jealousy, insecurity) get in the way. This is why you're confused and hurt and 10 years is a long time to be just 'hooking up'. Your guy, going by your post, sees it in a different light and obviously doesn't know or care how you truly feel about it.

Talk seriously to him if you can, but if he's not going to give you what you need, then it's time to move on particularly when he wants it to be kept secret now.

Is he using me?

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I think it's fair to talk with him, tell him what you want, and see what happens.

But my guess is that it's going to end. He wants a "future partner" and doesn't see that partner as you (for whatever reason - it may not be that you're not "good enough", he may just have a different vision as to what he wants long term, whether that be a closer age, a shared religion, same ethnicity, similar opinions about kids, WHO KNOWS?). You're hurt by this (not unreasonably). It's only going to hurt more when he eventually drops you for this "future partner".

So again, I think it's fair to mention it to him. Who knows? Maybe you learn that there's an easy work around. But if you're not getting what you want from him (and are feeling hurt and resentful), I think it makes sense to find someone that you get what you want from (and who doesn't make you feel hurt and resentful).

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