Should I stay In the relationship?
BUBBLEGUMGIRL - Nov 22 2020 at 12:17
I started dating this guy I met in college; we’ve been going out for 7 months now. At first, things were going well; but as time passes, I have real doubts about this relationship.
1-he told me he ‘couldn’t feel my vagina’, immediately assuming the problem was me. Granted, I get very wet when we have sex, but I’ve never had that problem with my previous partners; and I do feel he can’t really get into it as easily as I can. I accidentally found out he’s addicted to pornography, and uses it to vent stress out; furthermore, I suspect he might masturbate with a very tight grip, which might explain that he can’t “feel” me well. I still feel it was wrong of him to put the blame on me and not share his part in this.
2-He and his mom are very close (too close, they talk every day on the phone, she raised him alone, never got married, father rather absent…) I met his mom, who hated me from the get-go. I went in with all the good intentions in the world, dressed appropriately, tried to get to know her. She didn’t ask me ANY question about myself, barely looking me in the eye, was rather rude at times (threw some acid comments at me, I let it go) ; it was clear that she didn’t have an open-mind about our encounter and has decided to hate me before giving me a chance. Mind you: I’m doing my PHD, I’m a serious, committed student, I’m teaching some courses at the university, doing research, living alone, etc. I’m a responsible functioning adult… I didn’t ‘objectively’ give her any reason to have a bad judgment about me. I have experience with parents and always managed well, except for this time. I only met her this once.
When my bf went back to live with her for the summer, she wouldn’t even allow me to visit him, wouldn’t even allow me in her home (that’s how much she disapproved of me). I ended up not seeing him, traveling aboard to visit my family. He wanted to come with me but now seems to have changed his mind…
3-ever since I met his mom, I feel he’s distancing from me: he keeps making excuses as to why he needs distance (too much work, etc.) but I feel his mom is doing all she can to convince him I’m a bad person. I’ve had a death in the family recently: he didn’t even bother to come and see me when I was alone in a big city, away from my family, crying over the phone (he said he could only be available over the phone). This hurt me a lot.
Should I leave him? I know there are two sides to every story: he is overwhelmed, trying to finish a very demanding degree; plus, he says his mother doesn’t influence his major life decisions (though the evidence seems to contradict this). He does say that he loves me and cares about me…what do you think?
thank you for your clear reply!
My wife and I have had issues with her getting super wet during sex as well. We'll just wipe down if it gets too bad, and the process of doing that can be sexy too. There are times I'll have to redo it, because I get her too revved up before we get back to the main event lol. That being said, he never should have said it the way he did.
Looking at things from your point of view, it appears that he doesn't care for the relationship. He is putting no effort into "trying to make it work".
Whether that is because he has caved to his mom, or because of his porn addiction, I can't say. His priorities seem to be elsewhere. And for a relationship to work, the priority needs to be the significant other.
I'd say, it is time to walk away.