How do I cope with with this nightmare?
The last few weeks have been a nightmare. A few members of my immediate family have contracted the Covid virus and one of them has been hospitalized. In addition, my cat of 17 years almost died the other night from congestive heart failure. First, the vet told me that he has cardiomyopathy and a very damaged heart so he may not survive long and now they called tonight to tell me the x-rays also reveal what they believe to be lung cancer. I don’t know how he could have both since the cardio that was positive that the heart failure was to only due to the heart and there is nothing else to be concerned about. Either way it’s extremely upsetting especially because I lost my husband of 30 years to lung cancer almost 9 years ago. Ironically, our cat gave him comfort towards the end and gave me and my children a lot of comfort since losing my husband (their father) and one of my grown children said when something happens to the cat he doesn’t know how he’s going to go on since he has been biggest source of comfort for him besides myself. Needless to say, I’m very concerned about my son who also has autism. It’s also very disturbing that my boyfriend of over a year has consistently said I should put the cat down even before this prior episode. He’s not particularly a cat lover but he is generally gentle to my cat. He always feels that the cat is more trouble than it’s worth because of his age but particularly now and and telling me that unless I want the cat to suffer I should put him down now. While this may or may not be true what’s troubling me is that he can’t be more supportive but would rather be dictatorial.
I haven’t seen my boyfriend in a few weeks because he also is Covid positive but I’m concerned that after this weekend he’s going to want to see me and to be truthful I just don’t want to see him right now I just can’t deal with him telling me what to do or strongly suggesting what to do especially with the cat I just don’t need that kind of pressure right now. I know it doesn’t sound nice but I really don’t miss him at this point and I really don’t want to see him. I got my hands full worrying about my family and now my cat and all the bad memories of when my husband was dying Thanksgiving 9 years ago. He passed less than two months after that. Should I tell my boyfriend that I just need time by myself for a while and not worry about if his feelings are hurt? It’s a shame that I can’t find comfort with him and it’s making me feel that he’s just not the right person for me at least not now. I don't want to throw my bf under the bus but can't he at least say once "I'm sorry to hear about the cat"; he does ask about my family members who are sick at least.
Sounds to me like you need to take a big step back. Take some time to yourself and relax.
There's nothing that you can do about any of the stuff you are stressing about. The sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be.
There's more to my story:
As I mention above, I haven't seen my bf for several weeks since he has had COVID. He has fully recovered and now wants to see me this weekend. I've had several upsetting events in my life this past few weeks besides his illness that has nothing to do with him. However, it's made me reexamine my relationship with him. While he is very loving to me and has many qualities which should make us compatible (education, finances, background, etc.), he has a personality "issue" I've noted during the time we've been dating (almost 15 months). Specifically, he has a tendency to try to control many of our decisions including anything from products to buy for the house (he sometimes buys for me), the food we cook, how we eat, music we listen to, how I get my hair done, etc. While I express my opinion when I need to (including telling him his way of cooking something is not the only "right" way), it's like I feel like I don't have the energy anymore possibly. I still care for him a great deal but I'm sort of tired of his dictating his terms and opinions on many matters especially when I don't ask for them - it's like he just can't let things go with the flow. In fact, he has actually offended me on occasion saying I need to work out, my late husband "abandoned me" by dying of lung cancer b/c he smoked, etc. I was brought to tears on the comment about my late husband - he always apologizes but really who can deal with this? He offended one of family members and even though I asked him to apologize, he never really did - he only apologized to me. One time several months ago, when we went out to dinner with my son, he was telling me to eat a certain thing on my plate (and not move the food around but eat it) and he practically put his hand in my plate. My son, who normally doesn't say anything, told me he thought that was very offensive (to me) and asked if I minded him doing it. I'm feeling ambivalent about seeing him/making a future. FYI: we are almost "senior" citizens, so time is limited and I don't want to waste either of our times. Has anyone experienced this type of apathy and if so, what helped you get through it?
last night, he says after hearing me after to give meds to cat and check his breathing all day, etc., "you need to decide what you want to do" and I replied, "I know what i need to to after talking to vet and I don't need anyone else putting pressure on me" and he backed off however, this is the type of behavior I have no energy for anymore; yet an hour later, he texted me "Sorry I can't be there to help with the cat and wish you the best".
Sounds to me like he was trying to help. It also sounds like you have no patience with him.
This isn't his fault. Try to remember that, as stressed out as you are, you have started to lash out.