Should I, A; say something or B; be afraid of more to come?
Hi, I’ve been struggling with this for some time, I have a 14 year old son from a previous relationship. I met my husband 7 years ago and we recently go married and have a daughter. There have been various displays of behaviour from my ex that I imagine many separated couples go through, basically him trying to make me jealous, overly spoiling son on what felt like an attempt to buy his affection all of which I just put down to the messiness of moving on but having to co-parent. I didn’t really think much about it and never reacted as I felt this would only give him what he wanted, just always maintained my son should have a healthy relationship with his father and eventually this will fizzle out. My ex met someone 3 years ago, great, my son had some issues adjusting as he’d been overly spoilt and my exes new partner had 4 children. Working weeks of meeting he made it clear he’d moved in with her, ok I say, why you telling me, not my business, a few month in he calls me to ask was it my blood group that caused me problems in pregnancy as he was at the hospital with partner and they just found out she was pregnant, congratulations I say, this being after I’ve already had a child with my new partner, which I didn’t tell him about until 5 months pregnant and all I got was an “oh” anyway, when I was pregnant with our son I chose a name should he be a girl and dad chose a name should he be a boy, obviously we both agreed to the name also. He has called his new daughter with new partner the exact first name and middle name that was to be for our son should he have been a girl. When she was pregnant my son said, dad brought her friends boxset to binge on while pregnant and a flash thought entered my mind, he’s trying to manipulate her into using one of the female character names, then thought, surely not, would be a bit weird! But it worked! He does have form for being a bit of a manipulator, I just let it slide, I recently found out the middle name, my son was just chatting and said it, I couldn’t believe it and it’s slightly more unusual, although I haven’t said anything I can’t help but feel concerned and also feel bad for his new partner. Why would you make your daughter’s name an instrument of spite and how would his partner feel if she knew? Am I crazy for thinking she would be upset? I have had a daughter and didn’t use the names as I feel would be inappropriate with a new partner? On top of this there has been a continued effort at the more slight annoyances which I am mature enough to ignore more but I am quite scared at what could come next, I feel under attack and feel like not saying anything is passively allowing this to continue be being reactive, I know he will say, oh she’s jealous of my life which couldn’t be further from the truth. I just feel his behaviour is bizarre and a little bit scary.
Sounds to me like you are overly concerned with what is going on in your ex's house. You should have no concerns about what is going on in his personal family, unless it pertains to the treatment of your son.
I’m not concerned with what goes on in his house. I’m concerned someone is trying to get a rise out of me and for some reason he is hellbent on doing so. I’m not sure I made it clear, I thought my example of the name was evidence enough. There have been many other examples and some that have involved my son being used a tool against me. For example, him being sent home with an iPad. Something I couldn’t afford so there’s a twang of jealously that I can’t provide one but also I’m sensible and level headed enough to not let it show and quickly get over it. Then the contents of the iPad, home made sex videos with new girlfriends. My concern was he had bypassed the inappropriateness of his son seeing such things at a young age, the privacy of the girl and the warped behaviour. His response, I’m jealous. You’re response I’m overly concerned with his life and relationship? I’m concerned about how much of this do I take? You weren’t very helpful and a bit short sighted to not think of the ramifications of such actions. Granted I hadn’t shared the iPad story, but were I to find out from my husband that he had cajoled me into naming our daughter the exact full name he chose for a child with his ex wife I would think he was more concerned about hurting his ex in a bunny boiling type fashion than to name his daughter with me name that shown we did it together, that we chose in love and excitement for our child. But hell maybe I’m just a big weirdo!
Oh, he is definitely trying to piss you off. The problem is you are taking the bait.
If he sent you sex tapes, you could have gotten a restraining order against him.