Is he using me?
I’ve been with my partner for a year and a half. He has 2 children I have 3. We live 20 minutes from each other and work together.
We’ve broken up a few times. Mainly me because we don’t see each other. It’s one night every 2 weeks. He’s always hid his phone. Barley plans anything and there have been numerous women he’s spoken to behind my back. Including one woman who jumped his fence initially at the start of the relationship screaming she had slept with him. I’ve had to pull him up on his behaviour numerous times because he’s disrespectful to me. I literally work with women who have seen his dick. The majority of them actually.
Now fast forward. We have always text everyday but I’ve told him that I’m unhappy. We tell each other we live each other but He never lets me at his home. Only comes here when he’s kids go to sleep late at night and we have barely spent a day together. I think the most is when we have gone away camping. For 2 days. His kids love me and I love them but we never see each other really.
The other night his daughter was in hospital. I love her asked if I could come and he said I wasn’t needed and I should go to bed. The following morning I found myself in hospital with a lung infection. He text making sure I was okay.
That afternoon I spoke with him and asked if I could be there with him that night incase I woke up in pain again (I was scared) and he said no. That I wasn’t allowed there because his child was unwell.
And I was hurt by that. If he was unwell and my child was I would have them both here because that’s what family does in my eyes.
He’s since text told me I’m an asshole for saying that I was hurt and that I’m starting fights again and how could I after a couple of good days and that I’m abusive.
Please help. The blame he puts on me and the guilt. I’m feeling lost.
Sit the guy down and have serious conversation with him, and explain to him why his actions are making you fell the way you do. If he was totally committed to you, his actions would be the exact opposite. The fact that every other woman, as you post, seems to know him intimately should give you a heads up as to what he's like. If he's not going to commit to you or can't, then you need to look elsewhere to find that man who will treat you respectfully and a man who has the need to be with you.
You guys are on two different levels - your wants and needs are different to his, as are your values, and the blame and the guilt that he manages to put on you happens because you allow it. You need to step away to really see what this guy is made off.
Sounds like it's time to move on. He acts like a player, and if he only sees you every 2 weeks...that's sketchy as hell.
Also he seems to have no regard for you or your feelings.
Fill a page with all of the words that can complete that sentence. Reflections that include asking yourself what is love, how should love feel, what do we say, what do we do, ….. Take lots of time to gather your thoughts and define LOVE.
Now look at the relationship you have and define what you are experiencing. Collect your thoughts on another piece of paper.
Move out, move on, and give him a nice draft of your pages. Keep it more factual and less emotional.
Imagine the impact this will have on his life and his children’s lives compared to having an emotional argument that isn’t going to save a relationship that is so damaged. He will learn by your example to gather truth, to see truth, and to start being a teacher to his own mind as we all have to in order to be the best we can be.
Respect and care is where all relationships need to start and continue to grow, you need to completely end what is growing between you right now.