Choosing who you love more...?
LOGGEDRUNNER - Dec 9 2020 at 19:28
This is not something I'm proud of, but I need advice and hope to get some on here please.
I have been in a 10 year relationship with my fiance. He is a very loving person, wonderful husband material, kind - never had any qualms about our relationship throughout these 10 years and were planning to get married. We get along very well together, but at some point the relationship starting feeling less intimate and more like a deep friendship. He is a great person and I could not blame anything on him. This emotion is more one-sided from my end.
3 months ago everything changed when I developed immense emotions for another man (who knows I am in a relationship). I am not proud of this and never thought it was something I would do. The feelings were mutual and we kept meeting. I feel immense guilt about this but the reason I am asking on this thread is the following:
I feel love for both of these people, albeit different forms. I am at a crossroads because I have to choose - this is unfair on both and cannot go on. My dilemma is, how do I choose between two people I love? My fiance is a great man, but what led me to do this? Is it possible to love someone else if you still love the first person? Or is this a major character flaw within myself alone? I am fully aware that what I did is morally wrong on many levels and just want out of this situation with the right person. I do still care deeply about my fiance and his emotions - this was never done out of spite or planned and I feel horrible about it (deservedly so).
Regardless of 10 years (that's a lot of history) there's something lacking that has led you to go with someone else. The relationship is broken and it's up to you whether you think it's worth repairing or going with the other guy. You need to be true to yourself and determine that, while you still love your fiancé, you need to ask yourself if you're in love with him.
None of us can be with someone else successfully until we sort our last relationship properly...we have to be over it and to have learned from it 100%, to be able to function within and contribute 100% to another one.
3 months is nothing with the other guy, who basically has contributed to your guilt, and you need to really step away from both guys to sort your head and your heart...a hard and difficult action for you. Above all else, you need to be aware that some of us will throw away something that's good, looking for something better, only to find that better never cuts it.
First things first. Walk away from the other guy. Hopefully you haven't actually had sex with him yet. But either way, a guy that is willing to go after a girl who is "taken" is scum and should not be with anyone.
Secondly. People have to stop thinking love is an emotion. It's not. Love is an action word. That is why people promise to love. This not not a promise to feel an emotion, as that's impossible. It is a promise to remain devoted to one person and one person only.