For 13 months, between ages 15 and 16, I was dating this guy who was 17-18 at the time. At the end of the school year he went off to college and we broke things off but remained friends, which I thought was amazing considering what was between us (I'll get to that in a bit). However, not too longer after our goodbyes and as we continued to chat/text he said a few things that made me realize that I just couldn't continue having any sort of interactions with him. A few days after I made this known to him in a very long, detailed, angry/upset letter, he unfriended me on Facebook, which has typically been our main form of communication and even though I said I wanted to no longer even be friends with him I did want to keep the ability to stay in touch and see how he's doing in the future despite my feelings now. When I saw that he had done this, I found myself incredibly sad, the same sort of sadness that had haunted me the entire relationship. The main issue with the relationship (ooh goody the juicy stuff), was that I became incredibly emotionally invested in it, more so than any 16 let alone 15 year old should or even could, at the same time that he didn't take it seriously (enough, I would say, although I'm biased). I feel like I worked so hard to be a good girlfriend, to do everything I possibly could, to make him happy and keep the relationship going. In all honesty, there is no way it should've lasted 13 months, but I refused to give up and just worked harder to keep us together despite the fact that I would'vd saved myself (and him of course) months of agony and tears and sleepless nights (the last two are me). The thing is, I thought that because I was smart (school smart that is) I was more mature than all the other 15 year old girls who think they're in love with their first boyfriend (yes, he was my first relationship). And, just like the other naive girls I thought that the first guy I'd have sex with would be the one. And ladies and gentlemen, how long do you think a sensible girl like myself would wait to let her first boyfriend into her pants? That's right! Two whole months! The fact that we had sex doesn't bother me now nearly as much as the fact that we continued to have sex (plus you know oral and all that fun stuff) through the slow and excruciating decomposition of our relationship (and my sanity).
So the product of 13 months, 3 or 4 in total bliss, 7 or 8 in desperation, and the last few in weapy resignation, is that now, after telling him I don't ever want to see or speak to him again, and him dutifully deleting me from his Facebook, I simply cannot get over him. It's not that I still have feelings for him, it's that I can't get over the fact that the man (or should I say boy? We're both such children), who I cried myself to sleep over for a year is now totally out of my life and probably hates me. It does not make sense to me why I am STILL emotional over him and why it upsets me when being away from him is probably the best thing I've done for my mental health on over a year.
I am writing this to try and deal with how fucked up I am by getting advice/comments from other fucked up people...oh the world we live in!
Well, Josephine, I'll let you know now, you're not at a loss.
I think he felt hurt when you said that you didn't want to be friends anymore, so in turn, he deleted you off facebook.
And you know how important communication is, so tell him, message him or add him on facebook that you still DO want to keep in contact, and that seeing him face to face at the time was just difficult for you.
Tell him anything else you've been feeling and thinking about as well, why would he stop you short when you've got something to say to him?
You're doing good. You can do it!
And by the way, you did very well in expressing your thoughts and feelings. Most people I know don't do that very well -- even I don't, so that's something for you to think about